Review: Love, Simon

Based on the book by Becky Albertalli, this film tells of the attempts by Simon (played by Nick Robinson) to navigate the tricky waters of high school whilst harbouring a secret: He’s gay. Things get difficult for Simon when a jerky classmate (played by Logan Miller) uncovers his secret and hangs it over Simon in order to get Simon to do him a favour, one that sees Simon having to lie to and betray his friends. Meanwhile, Simon has been texting anonymously with someone nicknamed ‘Blue’ (the only person Simon has actually told about his sexuality), whom Simon has a crush on. Jennifer Garner and Josh Duhamel play Simon’s loving and well-meaning parents, Tony Hale is the jerk VP of the school.

I wanted to love Simon. I really did. Unfortunately, Simon’s kind of a dick, and this 2018 teen flick is yet another “Easy A” where the main character’s dilemma is made more difficult…by the main character being scripted to behave like an idiot. Directed by Greg Berlanti (“Life As We Know It”, TV’s “Dawson’s Creek”), it’s one of 2018’s biggest disappointments, because it could’ve and should’ve been good, but a lack of honesty and intelligence sinks it. I’m sure there’s been plenty of gay coming of age films over the years, but this one was aiming for mainstream appeal (and seems to have gotten it), so it’s a shame Berlanti and screenwriters Elizabeth Berger (a writer-producer on the consistently tear-jerking TV series “This is Us”) & Isaac Aptaker (ditto) have in my view fouled it all up with a contrived plot.

The film simply doesn’t exist in any form of reality whatsoever, perhaps best exemplified by Tony Hale being all kinds of wrong as the caricatured VP. 20 minutes in and I was a bit bored here, 25 minutes in and the blackmail contrivance comes in to completely torpedo the film. It never recovers. There are some decent moments here and there, though. Josh Duhamel and the absolutely lovely Jennifer Garner are perfect as Simon’s well-meaning parents. I believed them, even if I didn’t believe in anything much else here. There’s a terrific bit where Duhamel makes a shitty anniversary video for Garner set to Warrant’s underrated power ballad ‘Heaven’. Funny stuff. I did like how the film shows everyone making off-hand remarks/homophobic insults around Simon, even those nearest and dearest to him, not knowing the truth. It must be so difficult, since teenage years are already hard enough for straight people. Hell, the scenes with Duhamel and Garner each dealing with Simon’s revelation do work relatively well, despite the contrived nature of how we get there. It’s a film that otherwise exists solely in a cinematic world unrelated to the world you and I inhabit.

Simon throws his long-time friends under the bus all to selfishly keep his secret. I get it, it’s a big-arse secret that might see him get some ridicule or even desertion, but that’s no excuse for being a selfish arsehole. In my completely uninformed opinion, no real gay teen, closeted or not, would behave in this manner. More importantly, the film never convinced me of it. I couldn’t even feel much sympathy for Simon with his secret crush either, because you could see the resolution coming from a mile away. Find a way to get what Simon and his blackmailer (a character that is inconsistent and makes zero sense) each want without the use of blackmail, and this film might’ve had a chance of working. As is, it flops with one character’s late act of nobility coming 90 minutes far too late, sweet as the gesture is.

Touted as a ground-breaking mainstream teen film about homosexuality (from a gay director too, apparently) I thought this was going to be smart, honest, and insightful. It’s none of these things. It’s contrived, a tonal mess, and mostly pretty boring. The main character is a wimpy jerk, too. Good performances for the most part, but so what?

Rating: C