Review: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Under the guidance of her shrink (Terry Kiser), a young woman named Tina (Lar Park Lincoln) is staying at Camp Crystal Lake, along with her mother (Susan Blu) to work on her emotional issues. Tina, who has telekinetic powers (!) unwittingly revives zombified killer Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder), who then goes back to his usual line of work. I blame the shrink.

In this franchise, the word ‘New’ means about as much as the word ‘Final’. Directed by horror FX specialist John Carl Buechler (“Cellar Dweller”, “Ghoulies III”), this 1988 sequel has better cinematography than the previous “Jason Lives”, otherwise the result is pretty much the same sub-mediocrity. I’ve always felt that entries 5-7 were this series fumbling about trying to figure out what to do to keep the franchise alive and the $$ coming in. Last time, it felt a bit like one of the “Halloween” sequels but with Jason instead. This time out, it’s a mixture of “A New Beginning” (the fifth film, which I actually think was somewhat tolerable) and an “Elm Street” sequel. And a little telekinesis for fuck knows what reason. Even the music score by Harry Manfredini (composer of the previous films) & Fred Mollin (who took up the mantle from Manfredini in the subsequent “Jason Takes Manhattan”) will remind you of the “Elm Street” series. As for our telekinetic heroine Tina, the filmmakers clearly try to make her this franchise’s version of Kristen. If I’m not mistaken though, Tina was never seen again after this one…so yeah, that worked out well. The music starts off well-enough, but quickly becomes overly loud and cheesy. That’s a shame.

The film starts with an amusing voiceover narration with clips of previous films, especially the previous one. This is followed by one of the best titles design bits with light shining out of the holes in the mask before it splits in two. Other than that, the most significant thing here is that Kane Hodder debuts as Jason. I’d always thought he’d played the role prior, but nope this was his first go in the franchise. There aren’t any particularly big names in the cast, but Terry Kiser’s performance as a shrink here makes it pretty obvious why the man is best known for playing a corpse in “Weekend at Bernie’s”. He’s stiff, that is when he’s not shouting. I’m not sure where this guy got his degree, but I’m pretty sure yelling at your patient doesn’t help a whole helluva lot. Co-star Susan Blu’s chief contribution meanwhile, is the worst lady mullet of all-time. It’s her character’s daughter who brings the film’s telekinesis, ‘coz hey, that’s what this franchise needs, right? Yeah…no. I did find it interesting that this was the first series entry to escape with an M15+ rating in Australia instead of an R18+, considering at one point Jason punches right through a guy’s back. “The Story of Ricky” got an R18+ for much the same thing (admittedly more graphic, but still…) I did find Jason’s treatment of said guy’s girlfriend to be hilariously thuggish, though. Look, it’s a Jason film. Death and gore are the attraction for it’s audience, different laws of taste apply, OK? That’s about it for amusement though, the film’s actually incredibly tedious on the whole. ***** SPOILER ALERT ***** The film also has one of the worst deaths for Jason ever, possibly even the worst. It’s one of the most incredibly stupid things I’ve ever seen. And this is from a franchise that subsequently featured Jason punching a guy’s head clean off with one punch. ***** END SPOILER ***** Like the previous film, this one’s well-shot. Also like the previous film, that’s about as much as this film has going for it. Scripted by Manuel Fidello (a pseudonym) & Daryl Haney (“Crime Zone”, “Lords of the Deep”, the softcore “Emmanuelle: Queen of the Galaxy”), this is a tired series entry that throws all kinds of crap out to see what sticks. Nothing really does, including Haney himself who was fired for reasons best explained at IMDb.

In order of badness, this one sits behind the first two, “Jason Takes Manhattan”, “Jason X”, and maybe “Jason Goes to Hell”. Really dull, but not the worst. It is rather amusing that a film about a walking corpse should star the guy who played Bernie in “Weekend at Bernie’s”, though.

Rating: D+