Review: The Tourist

Angelina Jolie plays a mystery woman whose lover is wanted by Scotland Yard (led by Timothy Dalton and Paul Bettany) for some reason. He has arranged for a diversion on a particular train from Paris where she is meant to take the authorities off the scent by sitting next to a man with measurements approximate to his own. That man turns out to be vacationing Wisconsin maths teacher Johnny Depp, who is perplexed, but noticing the gorgeous Jolie, not complaining. Once they arrive in Venice, Italy, Jolie invites Depp to stay in her hotel room, and he’s definitely not complaining about that. However, Depp quickly realises when Scotland Yard and a nasty gangster (Steven Berkoff, natch) start pursuing him, that Jolie might be setting him up as a fall guy in whatever scheme she’s got going on. But are things what they seem? Besides, he kinda has the hots for her anyway. Rufus Sewell is billed as ‘The Englishman’, in a role that seems barely written into the plot at all.

An old-fashioned spy/romance caper, this Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (who directed the overrated “The Lives of Others”) flick from 2010 isn’t anything brilliant, but for what it is, it works a lot better than I’d expected from reputation. It’s a solid yarn and extremely attractive to look at, with some truly gorgeous shots captured by the crisp cinematography from Aussie John Seale (“Alvin Purple”, “BMX Bandits”, “Witness”, “The English Patient”). Plot-wise, think “North By Northwest”, “To Catch a Thief”, “Arabesque”, and “Charade”, that sort of thing. There’s a nice rooftop chase, and the action is overall quite inventive. I did detect a bit of a green screen presence, however, if not as noticeable as in “Knight and Day” (a slightly better film). There’s also an inventive way of recovering the content on a burned piece of paper, that I’d not seen in a film before.

Is it simple, unsurprising and formulaic filmmaking? Yes, but that’s not a problem, really, most films of this sort tend to be simple fun. Its main flaw is actually in the central relationship, and particularly the performance given by Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp, as is his wont occasionally, mumbles his way through a role that used to be given to Cary Grant or a similar type. It’s a role that Ewan McGregor, Matt Damon, or Jude Law would’ve been perfect for, to name just three. Hell, even Paul Bettany (who plays another role in the film) would’ve been a better fit. Mind you, I heard Sam Worthington was originally cast before he dropped out. No matter what my qualms with Depp are, at least we were saved from that calamitous piece of miscasting (I’d be surprised if the inarticulate-sounding Worthington even knows how to do basic long division). Still, the idea of Johnny Depp playing a meek maths teacher who thinks he’s unworthy of Angelina Jolie is a bit of an insult to one’s intelligence (“21 Jump Street” was a long time ago, but Depp is still a heartthrob nonetheless) and his nervous, somewhat halting performance is surprisingly charmless. I wouldn’t say he’s miscast (though not the perfect guy, either), he’s simply chosen the wrong approach to the character. Even worse, he looks absolutely nothing like the guy he’s supposed to be mistaken for, and his supposed romance with Jolie comes out of absolutely nowhere. It’s a big problem because they share absolutely no chemistry whatsoever, and we’re never given any indication whatsoever that Jolie has any romantic feelings for him whatsoever, and even an 11^th hour twist doesn’t quite clarify that for my liking (It leaves more questions than it answers, actually). Depp appears to be completely bored by her. I did, however, love that his character speaks Spanish (and bad Spanish, I might add) when he’s actually in Italy. It’s an hilarious running joke (Did he seriously say ‘Bon Jovi’ at one point? Brilliant). For her part, though, Jolie is perfectly cast and as glamorous as ever in a bit of a Sophia Loren kinda role (Check out her mascara!). I prefer “Salt” overall, but Jolie’s actual performance is better here. Her British accent has improved a helluva lot since “Tomb Raider” as well. Paul Bettany doesn’t get a whole lot to do, but he’s extremely well-cast too, and Steven Berkoff steals his few scenes. The dude’s scary, and I bet if he could have his time over again, he’d give a much better performance in “Octopussy” now than he did back in 1983 (Continuing the 007 connection, Timothy Dalton also has a small role).

The film is actually a remake of a French film called “Anthony Zimmer”, and it has been adapted by von Donnersmarck, Christopher McQuarrie (“The Usual Suspects”, “Valkyrie”), and Julian Fellowes (“The Young Victoria”, “Gosford Park”), with a large helping of “To Catch a Thief” and “Charade”. Its central relationship isn’t all it could’ve been, thanks mostly to mumbly Depp’s rather unenthusiastic performance, but this is an otherwise fairly good yarn, and sparkling to look at. I quite liked it, though I appear to be in a minority.

Rating: B-