Review: The Mule

Clint Eastwood stars as a 90 year-old horticulturist who is estranged from his family. They want nothing to do with the man who has spent his entire life (and money, it seems) on himself and his beloved flowers. And now he’s practically broke. Turning up at a wedding rehearsal for his granddaughter Taissa Farmiga (the only family member who greets him with anything remotely close to cordiality), he’s approached by a guest from the soon-to-be groom’s side of the fence with a job offer. The job? Act as a mule for Mexican cocaine dealers (Who’d want to hire someone so old, though? It’s never terribly convincing, despite being based on supposed fact). Eastwood is desperate, and sees that some quick money might allow him to do a good deed and contribute to the financing of the wedding, so he agrees. Upon meeting his new employers/co-workers (Robert LaSardo and Noel Gugliemi among them), he realises he’s in a dangerous position, but not one he can really remove himself from, at least not alive. Meanwhile, the cartel is slowly being tracked down by federal agents Bradley Cooper and Michael Pena, whose superior is played by Laurence ‘2D Authority Figure’ Fishburne. Eastwood’s real-life daughter Alison plays his on-screen daughter here, a woman who has absolutely no desire to have her father in her life anymore at all. Dianne Wiest is Eastwood’s ex, who at first wants nothing to do with him, either. Ignacio Serricchio has a rather large role as Eastwood’s initially completely hostile handler. Andy Garcia turns up briefly as the head of the cartel.

Director Clint Eastwood (“Play Misty for Me”, “White Hunter, Black Heart”, “Million Dollar Baby”, “Hereafter”) continues to tell stories on screen that clearly catch his interest, whether they’re gonna be a hit with audiences and/or critics or not. He makes some surprising choices too, as I’d never thought the guy who was “Dirty Harry” would turn out to be the director of “Million Dollar Baby”, “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” or “Hereafter”. He’s clearly got a lot of different sides to him than the one that was talking to a chair at the RNC a few years back. The problem is that increasingly he’s not turning these stories into compelling cinematic tales (“J. Edgar” was flat, “The 15:17 to Paris” was a failed docudrama experiment, “Sully” was an easy watch but could’ve been made by anyone as a midday TV movie). This 2018 is by far one of the weaker films the director-star has helmed, and most of the blame lays with the script by Nick Schenk (“The Judge” and the popular Eastwood geriatric vigilante flick “Gran Torino”), based on a New York Times article. For something supposedly based on reality, this never plays as anything other than a cornball movie. That’s a shame, because there’s a lot of interesting actors here, and Eastwood himself gives a mostly terrific performance in the lead, even if you aren’t quite convinced he’s a flower-loving fella. Clint may be old as hell (and for perhaps for the first time on screen, looks his age), but flowers? Nah. I was especially happy to see long-time action movie criminal/thug/prisoner Robert LaSardo as one of the drug traffickers in the film. He’s been around since the 80s, generally playing to type but it’s great to see him in something outside of the action genre for a change. Meanwhile, you know Eastwood’s character is a little in over his head and in store for serious danger when Noel Gugliemi (who is essentially the Hispanic Robert LaSardo) plays the nicest of the drug traffickers here. Wowser. He’s solid as always and I always enjoy seeing him in films, even in tiny roles as they tend to be. Having said that, I’m not sure the film really needed A-listers Bradley Cooper, Laurence Fishburne or Andy Garcia (who apparently would’ve accepted any role just to work with Eastwood, and it shows) in roles that are frankly well beneath their talents and presence. Poor Michael Pena, as Bradley Cooper’s partner on the force is given even less of a character to play with and doesn’t even display any of his usual quirky personality. In fact, these three actors and their performances really seem to have come in from another film with an entirely different tone to the rest (something like a hardened Joe Carnahan or David Ayer cop movie) and it’s jarring and unwanted. Cooper actually looks pissed off to be here, and frankly I was pretty pissed off he was here too, ‘coz his casting merely highlighted how thin and clichéd his character was.

The story of Eastwood being a drug runner to pay for his granddaughter’s wedding seemed like enough story to me (albeit extremely hokey), even if it is supposedly a true story I still would’ve trimmed all that extra fat. It subtracts instead of adding, with the scenes between Eastwood and Cooper seeming too much like two friendly collaborators enjoying their company instead of two actors fully invested in their roles. It’s the weakest part of Eastwood’s otherwise terrific performance, actually. Further distancing me were little things like the fact that aside from obviously Eastwood and his real-life daughter Alison, none of the members of their on-screen family look remotely like one another. It’s very noticeable, and if I’m noticing small shit like that, something’s wrong with the script and film overall. Eastwood and Dianne Wiest also play ex-husband and ex-wife with an 18 year age gap that although perfectly possible I suppose, once again took my attention away from what I was meant to be focussing on.

Eastwood is the only thing on show here despite a fairly big-name cast from top to bottom and a few genuinely tense scenes involving Eastwood and the drug cartel members. It’s an unfortunately hokey, clichéd affair with too much stuff and nonsense that just doesn’t add anything of value. It’s actually pretty poor and never convinces you that this really did happen to some degree or another.

Rating: C