Review: Star Wars Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

 ***** SPOILER-HEAVY REVIEW, WARNING FOR ANYONE WHO STILL HASN’T SEEN THE FILM. WATCH THE FILM FIRST, EINSTEIN! *****

It turns out, Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) is still somehow alive, and in fact he’s been the guiding force behind luring Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) to the dark side. Snoke? Yeah, that was Palpatine’s work, and the creepy old bastard still seems as lightning-powerful as ever. Emperor Palpatine orders Ren to kill Rey (Daisey Ridley), who has been continuing her Jedi training under a new master…General Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher). Eventually, Rey decides to make a beeline for the Emperor, which also puts her in the path of Kylo Ren, a conflict neither one seems to entirely want. Accompanying Rey for the journey are old pals Poe (Oscar Isaac), Finn (John Boyega), C-3PO (Anthony Daniels), R2D2, and Chewbacca. Along the way, they encounter a familiar face; former charming rogue turned General Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams). A new character here is First Order General Pryde (Richard E. Grant), who is a holdover from the Galactic Empire and now the superior officer to General Hux (Domhnall Gleeson, getting the Captain Phasma treatment pretty much). Also appearing here are an ex-stormtrooper comrade for Finn named Jannah (Naomi Ackie), and a former acquaintance of Poe’s named Zorii (Keri Russell). Billie Lourd (AKA Carrie Fisher’s daughter), Kelly Marie Tran, a CGI’d Lupita Nyong’o, and Greg Grunberg all reprise their roles from previous films. Dom Monaghan apparently called in a favour to “Lost” alum J.J. Abrams and appears briefly (and distractingly) as a superfluous member of the Resistance. Mark Hamill unsurprisingly turns up as ‘Force Ghost’ Luke Skywalker for a few fleeting moments.

Get ready for another epic-length poem, folks.

I’ve been a “Star Wars” fan for as long as I can remember loving anything in life. In fact, whilst the prequels haven’t lent themselves well to multiple viewings (aside from the unfairly maligned “Phantom Menace”), the only “Star Wars” movie I’ve thus far genuinely disliked is the animated outlier “The Clone Wars”, a cheap-looking Happy Meal piece of shit that damn near had me throwing away my imaginary “Star Wars” fan card. That and the truly abysmal “Holiday Special” aside (I lasted less than 10 minutes with it), this franchise is one of my first and greatest loves to this very day. Yes, I even love “Return of the Jedi” and the Ewok movies, much as I haven’t seen the latter in a while. Yet, I didn’t watch this 2019 J.J. Abrams film in the cinemas, despite that undying (if admittedly occasionally tested) love for the “Star Wars” franchise and having seen the two previous films in the trilogy cinematically. Mostly it was just due to personal circumstance/lack of opportunity more than anything. However, after the completely ridiculous backlash to “The Last Jedi” from whiny fan-babies (and a great deal of misogynists chiming in, too. More on you miserable pricks, later…), and the fact that the disappointing “Solo: A Star Wars Story” barely cracked a recommendation from me…the annual life-long, card-carrying fan-boy excitement for this final instalment in the Skywalker saga just wasn’t quite there for me this time when the film first opened. Also, I much prefer watching films on my own TV anyway, “Star Wars” being a rare exception over recent years. Cinema sound is too loud for my rather sensitive ears, to be honest and makes the whole experience a little anxious for poor wimpy me. So there’s that, too.

Now that I’ve watched the film just a couple of days shy of my 40^th (ugh) birthday, what did I make of this very divisive film? Like the previous two instalments, I highly enjoyed this one, and if “The Last Jedi” greatly pleased the critical side of my brain for the most part, this one and “The Force Awakens” touched my heart and soul and fandom a bit more. Only time will tell just how much I truly love these three films (Like I said, my love for the prequels – or at least the latter two – diminished quite a bit over decades), but for now I’ll tentatively put this one just ahead of “The Last Jedi” and below “The Force Awakens” and put all three films (in the second half) of my Top 200 films of all-time. That may change throughout the years, but for now I’ll stand by that. If it’s action and plot twists you love, I reckon you’ll enjoy this one. In fact, I’m really quite surprised and disheartened that the response has been so mixed. Making allowances for the fact that people simply have different opinions, I do have to wonder if the ‘whiny fan babies’ were predisposed to hating this one already, and the critics who panned it perhaps were trying to save face for a perceived wrong take on “The Last Jedi”. Maybe critics were eager to join the hivemind of hatred just as the reputation of the prequels got even worse over time. However, I’ll put all of that speculation aside and just stick to my own opinions for the most part here.

As with the previous two films, there are certainly flaws here, but like “The Force Awakens” in particular, those flaws are really quite minor. There’s no time-wasting at an intergalactic casino, ill-advised ‘Flying Jedi’ or miscalculated Laura Dern performance in this one (Seriously, those are pretty much the only flaws with “The Last Jedi”). I gotta say, Abrams has this thing flying at a really nice clip, so you don’t have much time-wasting going on. Abrams and co-writer Chris Terrio (“Argo”, “Justice League”) do a great job in re-introducing the main players without slowing things down.

Some thought Rey was a bit of a Mary Sue in “The Force Awakens”, but the progression of her skills in this one certainly made sense to me. I really loved that Rey is now training under the tutelage of Leia, and it’s tough to not get a lump in your throat seeing the late Carrie Fisher here. Abrams and co. do the best they could with what footage they had already shot of Fisher, and it’s not quite as clunky as it could’ve been. It’s noticeable (The terrific “Rogue One” did CGI-Leia better than this film does, for instance), but it was entirely unavoidable and it could’ve been so much worse. Daisy Ridley is the weakest (yet clearly the most charismatic) of the three lead actors in this trilogy. However, she gives her best turn to date here, particularly faring well in the action scenes. She’s more than OK. I was actually a bit disappointed in by far the most accomplished actor of the three here, Oscar Isaac. On reflection I think that may be because he simply shares so much better chemistry with John Boyega’s Finn and their bromance than with Daisy Ridley’s Rey, where Abrams seemed to be forcing some “Romancing the Stone” banter where it wasn’t organic or wanted. So it took a while for me to really warm to Isaac in this one despite loving him in the first two. Boyega is as solid as ever, though I must say there’s something fishy going on here with his relationship with Kelly Marie Tran’s Rose. In “The Last Jedi”, they didn’t have a romance but even Stevie Wonder could see that they were clearly destined for one. In this one, they seem like purely platonic friends/comrades and Boyega spends way more time with newcomer Naomi Ackie. Tran’s Rose is barely even in the fucking movie. It’s noticeable. It’s weird. And I’m wondering if it’s Abrams trying to curry favour with all of you creepy misogynists who drove Kelly Marie Tran and Daisy Ridley off social media with your idiotic complaints and sickening trolling. It’s the only thing I can think of, because it really does seem to be incongruent in a film that otherwise doesn’t entirely fuck with what Rian Johnson gave us in “The Last Jedi” despite what rumours I had heard. So to me, the diminished role of Rose is the film’s biggest flaw. And y’know what? I don’t even consider that a big flaw, really. Just a sad one.

From an action perspective, it’s really thrilling and exciting stuff, with a personal highlight for me being a light-sabre battle on stormy seas, which is terrific. It’s also the best-looking of the trilogy, which is no mean feat as they’re all good-looking. However, what I think makes this one stand out is that the landscapes and so forth are all pretty varied and attractive. And then we come to our villains. Adam Driver’s Kylo Ren is the trilogy’s most impressive performer and character by far, and whilst this may be Driver’s weakest performance in the trilogy, it’s only by a hair. I personally think his character’s progression was quite predictable from “The Force Awakens” onwards, but that didn’t make the character any less interesting or enjoyable here. It was great to see him end up where he was always destined to, really. Loved his silly modified helmet/mask this time too, it’s exactly what a tantrum-throwing moody emo would do when modifying their attire. And yes, the Knights of Ren turn up here, looking like the Sith equivalent of Tusken Raiders. Bad. Ass. Meanwhile, the symmetry/contrast that was set up between Rey and Kylo Ren really is beautiful, I must say now that the trilogy (and characters have) has reached its conclusion. It’s a shame they let the cat out of the bag in the trailers, but the film really gets a lift from the biggest unsung hero/villain in the entire franchise, actor Ian McDiarmid who returns as the not-quite dead Emperor Palpatine. When Snoke was revealed to be kind of a wannabe Palpatine, I suppose you probably had it in the back of your mind that Palpatine might be involved in some way. Personally, I fully bought the idea that Palpatine would still be lurking about, and that he’d be a force/puppet master behind everything. Of course. It’s so very “Star Wars”, and McDiarmid (aided by some other vocal cameos and visual enhancements) hasn’t lost a step. He, not Darth Vader is the true villain of the “Star Wars” universe, and utterly cold-blooded. Can I also point out that we saw evil Sith Chimp blacksmiths in one scene? Can we get that stand-alone “Star Wars” film next, please? I didn’t immediately recognise the reference/fan service, but well done there Mr. Abrams. Very clever. Given how much of a fan I was of Domhnall Gleeson’s snivelling General Hux, you’d think I’d be disappointed by his diminished role here. Nope, he has well and truly served his purpose, and was always set to be taking somewhat of a backseat. I did think it was a bit of a shame that the very final moments of his character arc here (which make more sense within the arc of the film than within the entire trilogy perhaps) were given short shrift. It seemed in the end that he was more of a means to an end in this film. Otherwise, I was mostly unsurprised by the size of his involvement here. Outranking him this time is the highly respected Richard E. Grant, as a gravel-voiced Grand Moff Tarkin-esque First Order General. Grant is terrific and he was born for the part, unfortunately the character never truly gets to cut loose. I was disappointed with the diminished capacity in this instance.

I have to wonder if Carrie Fisher’s death and both Luke and Han dying are at least partly responsible for Abrams and Terrio bringing Billy Dee Williams’ charming rogue Lando Calrissian back into the “Star Wars” fold. I didn’t care the reason though because Lando is, was, and forever will be my favourite character in the entire “Star Wars” galaxy. Williams, who at 83 years of age is older than the other three main stars (Hamill, Fisher, and Ford) looks in rough shape here to be honest. However, whilst his services aren’t greatly called upon, he gets more screen time here than I’d anticipated and I was overjoyed to see my man Lando once again on screen, now a General. I’m so glad they found room for him here. Surprisingly, I have to say that the film is stolen by old pro C-3PO (Anthony Daniels). I found him tiresome comic relief in the prequels, but have enjoyed him in this trilogy. Here though, he’s absolutely brilliant company. Not only are most of his moments absolutely hilarious, but (despite being somewhat spoiled in the trailer) he also gives viewers a legit lump-in-the-throat moment, too. And whilst Williams’ Lando is chosen to deliver the infamous line of dialogue pretty much featured in every “Star Wars” movie (‘I have a bad feeling about this’), the best line goes to C-3PO’s ‘Will this agony ever end?’, whilst the characters encounter a kind of quicksand. I also thought BB-8’s new droid companion was rather adorable too, but like the Porgs (who are briefly featured), your mileage may differ. As for the much-hinted appearance of the Ewoks, I’ve always been a fan of the divisive creatures, and although I actually didn’t cotton on to who exactly it was that we see (and yet I easily spotted Denis Lawson’s Wedge Antilles), I was a bit miffed that their appearance is so fleeting. Meanwhile, we wrap things up in a very satisfying manner, with Chewy finally getting his damn medal, and me almost losing my shit as we get yet another call-back to my favourite series moment, the ‘Binary Sunset’. Seriously, any image or sound from that scene just breaks down my emotional walls every time. It’s stunning imagery and unforgettable music from John Williams.

Although opinions appear to be wildly mixed, I personally think this is actually a highly enjoyable, crowd-pleasing (appeasing?) entertainment. Fast-paced, full of action, spectacle, plot/character twists etc. It’s the movie I expected, the movie I pretty much wanted it to be, and I look forward to watching it again in the future where my opinion may or may not alter. For now, I had a great time revisiting a world that I have loved for as long as I can remember anything. Still should’ve had more Ewoks and Richard E. Grant, though.

Rating: A-