Review: Jaguar Lives!

Joe Lewis is Jonathan Cross, AKA Jaguar, a special agent whose latest mission goes awry and ends in an explosion, with his partner codenamed Cougar (Anthony De Longis) presumed dead. Jaguar goes back home to deal with the botched job, practising martial arts with his half-breed sensei (Woody Strode, of all people) before being contacted by helicopter-piloting contact Barbara Bach with a new mission. The gig? Investigate an international drug ring headed by the mysterious ‘Esteban’. The mission takes him to several points of the globe, and encountering the likes of an elderly blind man (Joseph Wiseman) in a fictional Middle Eastern country, an American shipping magnate (John Huston) whose son has been kidnapped, a gleefully corrupt banana republic dictator (Donald Pleasence), and two people already known to Cross: A corrupt auto factory owner (Capucine!), and an English drug lord (Christopher Lee) who tries to get Cross to join his enterprise.

Whatever one may think of his acting skills or the quality of his films, Chuck Norris proved a pretty profitable Western alternative to (his friend and mentor) Bruce Lee. This 1979 mixture of martial arts, globe-trotting espionage, and western from director Ernest Pintoff (mostly a director of TV) provides us with one of the other guys who tried out for the mantle, Karate champ Joe Lewis, a student of Lee and occasional opponent of Norris in the real-life fighting department. Personally I don’t think he is anymore lacking in acting talent and charisma than ‘ol Chuck who is terribly deficient in both. Unlike Norris though, Lewis’ acting career went nowhere after this and 1981’s “Force: Five” (from the director of “Enter the Dragon”), with just 13 mostly negligible acting credits to his name before his death in 2012. Here he’s reasonably fine when in action mode, but struggles to keep one interested in him otherwise. Perhaps sensing they had a dud in the lead role, director Pintoff and screenwriter Yabo Yablonsky (the absolutely dreadful Nazi soccer movie “Escape to Victory”) keep things on the globe-trotting move and cast almost every role with a recognisable character actor. The latter proves a good sight more effective than the former which merely has one confused and irritated. I know it was going for a bit of an American 007 vibe (right down to casting four actors present in that long-running franchise), but it’s ridiculous and actually quite unnecessary to keep flying off somewhere else every five minutes. It’s really just a lazy way to introduce a new actor for a ‘star’ cameo, before we get to the ultimate bad guy reveal…who can be figured out almost right away. The actual locations chosen really don’t serve much on-screen purpose than that.

The supporting cast sure is pretty impressive, and some of the actors try their best to liven the thing up. Chief among the scenery-chewers is, I’m sure you’ll be shocked to read, Donald Pleasence as a monocle-sporting Banana Republic general named Villanova. Pleasence was what you call a ‘working actor’, they paid him, he’d do the gig. Unlike a latter-day Bruce Willis however, with Pleasence you at least got your money’s worth 9 times out of 10. And so long as you’re not expecting the Donald Pleasence of “The Great Escape” (i.e. Giving a genuinely great performance), you won’t be disappointed. He’s having a high old time here acting completely disingenuous and sleazy, and for those brief moments I too was having a good time. The lead’s a block of wood, so it makes sense for Pleasence to take such a heightened approach. Earlier on we get a nice cameo by Joseph Wiseman in his final film role, playing a bit older and a bit more frail than he likely was at the time. His cameo provides the film with perhaps it’s most interesting location, the Middle East. You didn’t often get action films set in the Middle East until the 80s with the James Bond, Indiana Jones and “Rambo” franchises venturing there from time to time. So at least the globe-trotting has one benefit. Actor/director/legend John Huston looks poorly here and unlike Wiseman I don’t think it’s entirely related to his admittedly frail character. Nonetheless he gives his brief moments enough gravitas and a touch of sadness that deserves to be in a better-made film. Pintoff and the camera operators are all hacks. Seriously, there’s some very strange camera wobbling going on throughout, and I don’t think it was just a dreadful print. There’s something really weird and wonky about it, although the overhead shots are quite nice, as is the scenery. The singularly monikered Capucine manages to out-charm Lewis in her star cameo as a female underworld figure of sorts. Even the late Jim Kelly, for all of his acting deficiencies, at least had some charisma. Best I can say for Lewis and the film is that he’s more impressive than Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner and the film is a bit better than “Gymkata”. But so is a bout of explosive diarrhea, let’s be honest. Like Pleasence, veteran Christopher Lee is fairly predictably cast and doesn’t disappoint. He gives the film more class than it deserves. That said, I can fully understand why the film isn’t mentioned at all in his updated autobiography Lord of Misrule. It’s forgettable and doesn’t give the actor anything to do he hadn’t done better before or after. Veteran stunt performer and weapons expert Anthony De Longis only has a few moments on screen as special agent ‘Cougar’, and whilst no great thespian, he proves to be more equipped and charismatic as an actor than Lewis.

In smaller roles, Scottish-born Australian TV veteran and UK theatre veteran James Smillie (who appeared on “Prisoner”) is poorly underused and even more poorly dubbed as a minor character named Reardon, whilst Sally Faulkner from “Alien Prey” and “Vampyres” has an amusing bit as a former spy colleague of Lewis’ turned lingerie-wearing nun (!). Gotta admit, I wish she was in a lot more of the film. Hell, make her the lead character damn it. Barbara Bach is clearly no actress, but looks completely edible here…Ringo is one lucky bastard. As for Hollywood veteran Woody Strode (looking like Roadblock, the  G.I. Joe action figure come to life), in addition to looking seriously tall, he doesn’t really get a whole lot to say or do here as the title character’s half-breed ‘Sensei’. Yeah, a part-Native American martial arts instructor. I’m pretty sure his brand of martial art is ‘Barroom Brawl’. Speaking of martial arts, it’s in action mode where this film…er…isn’t at its worst. Lewis is a fine fighter, though a little too Jim Kelly-esque for my liking in terms of his fighting style, though at least he doesn’t make weird noises all the time like Kelly did. The scene where Lewis hangs on to the top of a moving car through the streets of Madrid – and down stairs too – is a nice attempt at a Bond action sequence. The finale is particularly fun starting with Lewis taking on multiple guys at once and even using weapons at times, before we get to the big boss fight at the end. It’s good stuff, that if more plentiful throughout the film might’ve made it quite enjoyable. Instead, the film would rather clunkily trot the globe and badly tell a (thin) story. How bad? Voice-over is used far too often and far too awkwardly in a film that ought to have more often shown rather than told.

Undistinguished globe-trotter blending Bond spy nonsense with martial arts, and even a little Western flavour. It doesn’t add up to much. Lead actor Joe Lewis is out of his depth, but some of the star cameos and locations are able to perk you up a bit from time to time. However, it’s very clunky and clumsily put together presumably on the cheap. It’s shot in such wobbly fashion you wonder if the whole thing was filmed on a film set on a leaky boat! Nice try, but second-rate at best.

Rating: C