Review: The Monster Squad

The title characters (led by Andre Gower’s Sean) are pre-teens who obsess over movie monsters, especially those of the Universal Horror cycle. The gang, and Sean’s younger sister (played by the adorable Ashley Bank) discover an old diary written in German, so they give it to their scary-looking elderly, German neighbour (Leonardo Cimino, as a ‘survivor’ of another sort of ‘monstrosity’) to translate. This leads them on a quest to obtain an all-powerful amulet, however, there are others seeking this amulet; Count Dracula (Duncan Regehr), who has just fended off Prof. Van Helsing (Jack Gwillim) leads The Wolfman (Carl Thibault in makeup, Jon Gries in human form), The ‘Gill Man’ AKA “The Creature From the Black Lagoon” (FX man Tom Woodruff Jr.), The Mummy (Michael Reid MacKay), and Frankenstein’s Monster (an unrecognisable Tom Noonan) in an attempt to acquire the amulet and see that Evil holds the balance of power for eternity! ‘The Monster’, however, proves to be not a bad sort, and young Bank warms the dumb brute’s heart. Stephen Macht and Mary Ellen Trainor play Sean’s parents, with Stan Shaw as Macht’s fellow police officer. Brent Chalem (who sadly died of pneumonia at just 22) plays the token fat kid in the Monster Squad. David Proval has a small role as a pilot, and a young Jason Hervey plays a snotty school bully.

From director Fred Dekker (writer-director of “Night of the Creeps” and the subpar “Robocop 3”) comes this affectionate, likeable 1987 blend of “The Goonies” and “The Lost Boys”. Unlike those two films, or the Universal cycle of monster movies it reveres, this one has had to be satisfied with a fairly healthy cult following at best. I think even of those of us of the appropriate age in 1987-8 most of us saw this one on video. I know I certainly did. I liked it then as I like it now, but it’s no classic. I’ve tried to work out why that is over the years. I don’t think it’s entirely because the horror is a little too scary to be mixed with the “Goonies” hijinks. Sure, it’s an issue. There’s some definitely rather scary and even quite gory bits that don’t quite jive with the kids club hijinks. However, my first screening of “The Goonies” at age 5 or 6 was a pretty scary experience and the film contains plenty of profanity. Yet my 40 year-old self maintains that film is one of the greatest family entertainments of all-time. Also, while I think its target audience is perhaps a bit hard to pin down, does that really count as a debit for the film’s quality? I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable with saying yes to that.

At the end of the day, I think the big thing that separates this film from the greatness of “The Goonies” and the popularity of “The Lost Boys” is that the central cast of kids…are a pretty un-charismatic lot, unfortunately. None of the actors stand out in a positive way (Ryan Lambert’s character is a strangely unlikeable jerk), something you certainly can’t say about “The Goonies” where even the actors who didn’t go on to much else on screen are memorable. I think there’s probably too many characters to keep track of in such a short film, with Leonardo Cimino’s Holocaust survivor/Van Helsing substitute disappearing for a long stretch. Also, by 1987 horror movie icons had changed, so whilst I’m a fan of “The Wolfman”, “The Creature From the Black Lagoon”, and especially the first two “Frankenstein” films, I don’t think the Universal horror cycle of monsters really resonated as much with the kids of 1987 (I’m more of a Hammer Horror fan anyway). On paper the plot actually seems great and as an adult I’m able to appreciate the nostalgic aspect, whilst also being nostalgic for the era the film was made in. However, I probably didn’t care as much for the monster aspect of the film as a 7 year-old as I do now and I do believe the initial target audience was 80s kids.

So now that I’ve told you why the film’s not all that great, allow me to write about why it’s still worth seeing. In addition to popular B-movie maker Dekker as director and co-writer, there’s some pretty quality names attached to this film: Composer Bruce Broughton (who did excellent work on “Silverado”, “The Rescuers Down Under”, and “Tombstone”), FX whiz Richard Edlund (“Star Wars”, “Ghostbusters”, “Big Trouble in Little China”), the late Stan Winston (“The Terminator”, “Predator”) on makeup duty, co-writer Shane Black (writer of “Lethal Weapon” among others), directors Peter Hyams (“Outland”) and Rob Cohen (“The Fast and the Furious”, “Dragonheart”) serving as producers for a change, Wayne from “The Wonder Years” (Jason Hervey) playing another bullying little shit, and the late Mary Ellen Trainor as the one sort-of link to “The Goonies”, playing another mum role. For the most part, it’s a pretty classy production, especially from a technical standpoint, dated as it is from a 2020 perspective. The score by Broughton is particularly excellent and is the most immediately noteworthy thing about the film, as it evokes both Universal and Hammer horror. Being a fan of both, I appreciated that. In fact, there’s a nice attempt at a kind of Universal/Hammer hybrid vibe for the period prologue, although the noise and flash are very 80s and very Richard Edlund. The latter isn’t a criticism, ‘coz it’s actually fun stuff. Speaking of Hammer, I’m convinced Dekker must be a Hammer fan because we even get the whole Dracula/Alucard name thing (used most prominently in “Dracula A.D. 1972”). The film has also been expertly shot and lit by Bradford May (much more prolific as a director of TV movies), it’s very classy-looking stuff with the Gil Man’s swampy scenes particularly choice.

Canadian character actor Duncan Regehr is highly regarded in some circles for his interpretation of Dracula here. I’ll always prefer Christopher Lee in the role, but Regehr is better-than-average in the part. Although chameleon actor Tom Noonan is pretty much lost behind the makeup, using Frankenstein’s Monster (who is curiously credited here as ‘Frankenstein’ despite the characters rightly pointing out the common misconception) as the lone ‘good guy’ monster was a stroke of genius. Yes, Jon Gries is a tad sympathetic and tortured as The Wolf Man (played in makeup by someone else after the transformation), who clearly wants someone to stop him. However, Frankenstein’s Monster is the one who befriends a little girl and hangs out with the title kids and helps them defeat the other monsters. The Monster is usually seen in film as a pitiable creature who didn’t ask to be re-animated/born, so it makes sense. Although I think Noonan has been cast to better advantage elsewhere, if the relationship between The Monster and young Bank doesn’t touch your heart, you clearly don’t have one to begin with. I also have to say that especially for 1987, The Wolfman, The Mummy, and Gil Man look excellent.

I’ve been trying to love this film almost my whole life. I want to. It seems like a great idea for a film and it’s made with a lot of affection for movies of old. However, maybe it’s time to accept that it’s just a pretty fun film, and it’ll never be a great film. There’s certainly nothing wrong with just being fun. Old-school horror fans who haven’t quite let go of their childhood are likely to enjoy this one best. Oh and by the way…Wolfman’s got nards!

Rating: B-