Review: Police Academy

Due to a new policy introduced by the mayor, the standards and requirements for enlistment in the police academy have…changed, to be euphemistic about it. Literally anyone can sign up it appears. The academy’s Commandant Eric Lassard (George Gaynes) is an amiable, if daffy and long-winded sort, whilst the antagonistic and scheming Lt. Harris (G.W. Bailey) and ravenous Sgt. Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) are his chief instructors. Steve Guttenberg plays serial wise-arse Mahoney, who is ordered to sign up for the academy training as a way of finally giving him some direction and discipline. He spends most of his time hitting on fellow trainee Thompson (a bored rich snob played by Kim Cattrall). Also turning up to join are gun-happy former security guard Tackleberry (David Graf), Latino lothario Martinez (Andrew Rubin) who isn’t as he seems, Larvell Jones (Michael Winslow) who can imitate seemingly any sound with uncanny precision, gigantic former florist Hightower (Bubba Smith), mousy Hooks (Marion Ramsey), klutzy Fackler (Bruce Mahler), and chubby Leslie Barbara (Donovan Scott), who becomes the target of Harris’ henchmen Copeland and Blankes (Scott Thomson and Brent von Hoffman), ordered to make sure the trainees fail. Look for the seemingly ageless John Hawkes in a cameo as a truck driver, his film debut.

Although I don’t believe any film in the series deserves a full endorsement, I’ve always felt the “Police Academy” series has gotten a bit too much derision over the years. Yes, there’s at least two undeniably terrible movies in the franchise: “City Under Siege” and the woeful and belated “Mission to Moscow”. However, the rest certainly aren’t bad films. If you have to see one “Police Academy” film, I’d make that “Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol”. This 1984 original from director Hugh Wilson (“The First Wives Club”) and his co-writers Neal Israel (TV’s “The Wonder Years”) and Pat Proft (“Real Genius”, “Hot Shots!”) is probably the next best. It’s definitely indicative of a formula still in the making, but there’s some amusing moments and some likeable characters…as well as a few who would thankfully never return to the series again.

 

The film starts well with one of my series favourites, David Graf’s trigger-happy Tackleberry working as a security guard and blasting away at his own surprise party. Later, he turns up to the police academy in fatigues driving a jeep. Priceless. My favourite bit in the film comes later, as Tackleberry takes to the standard ‘Shoot at cardboard robber targets’ practice in exactly the way you think he will. He and Hooks’ reaction to Harris’ portrayal of a robbery situation is also quite funny. Sadly, his low billing in the credits is pretty indicative of the focus his character gets throughout, i.e. Not nearly as much as it should. One of my other favourites of the bunch, Michael Winslow doesn’t get much to do here either, and indeed he’s way down the cast list. I don’t think the director quite knew what he had with the supremely talented voice artist, because when he does appear, he’s good value. It’s just not nearly often enough. I particularly liked the brief bit where he pretends to play a video game, making all of the sounds. It’s genuinely funny and clever, if not nearly as great as the Led Zeppelin, Tina Turner, and Jimi Hendrix impersonations he’s done on stage over the years. That’s outstanding stuff. I did think it was a bit of a racial stereotype that his character was the one to arrive at the academy with a boom box in tow. Yeah, that’s a thing that happens here. George Gaynes is for me the unsung hero of this franchise, he’s always good value and is indeed in fine form here as the rather daffy Lassard. Meanwhile, G.W. Bailey is absolutely indispensable as the antagonising idiot Harris (not yet promoted to Captain), who is sorely missed in the next two entries. To me, he’s as essential to this franchise as Leslie Easterbrook’s ample cleavage: Absolutely essential. As his likeable smart-arse nemesis, Steve Guttenberg is certainly both of those things. Likeable and a smart-arse. The former is important, Guttenberg is no real actor as such but in another actor’s hands, Mahoney might’ve been unlikeable or unbearable. Guttenberg brings an easy-going sweetness to the resident clown and self-appointed ladies man. As the object of his flirtation, Kim Cattrall has enough haughtiness without being bitchy to complement Guttenberg here. Again, she’s not a great actress in the slightest, but she sure was a familiar presence in the early to mid-80s, with this, “Porky’s”, “Big Trouble in Little China” and “Mannequin” (Then in the mid-to-late 90s she finally landed the best role of her career as the only decent thing on “Sex and the City”). Meanwhile, I’m no great fan of the characters played by Scott Thomson and Brent von Hoffman, but with no arse-kissing Procter in this one, they fit the requisite lackey roles adequately enough.

 

Whilst the next two entries in the franchise relied a heck of a lot on the comedy pairing of Bobcat Goldthwait and Tim Kazurinsky, this one’s got several fun characters and unlike those two films it also has G.W. Bailey’s antagonistic Harris. Unfortunately, it’s also got a few characters who are either completely unfunny, never seen again in the franchise, or both. If you’ve read my other reviews of the films in this franchise, you’ll know I find Bruce Mahler’s Fackler to be an accident-prone bore. He’s even worse here because Mrs. Fackler is here too, and so it’s double the suckage. Thankfully they’re barely in the film. More annoying to me are the characters of Leslie Barbara and wannabe Latin lover Martinez. As played by a pretty forgettable Donovan Scott, stereotypical fatty Barbara’s only service to this film is to allow Marion Ramsey’s mousy Hooks a breather from Harris’ antagonistic wrath (I will say Hooks and Bubba Smith’s Hightower are put to their best use in this film). Otherwise he’s a very poor man’s John Candy. As for Martinez, Andrew Rubin is stuck with a character and arc that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen on dozens of crappy sitcoms over the years. It’s obvious and unfunny, and Rubin is boring and quite un-charismatic. On the plus side, while it still might reek of ‘gay panic’ to some, this is the only one in the entire franchise where the Blue Oyster Bar scene might have a halfway legitimate reason to exist. Hell, even at 40 years old and being quite a progressive, pro-gay person, I still had a giggle at the bit where they start dancing. Obviously it wouldn’t fly today and I’m glad for that, but I’m not going to penalise a 1984 film for indulging in (very) minor gay panic humour. There’s not much point in doing that in this kind of film, surely.

 

High comedy? No, and it doesn’t want to be. However, these films put smiles on people’s faces for many years, and that counts for something. Hell, I certainly enjoyed them when I was young and still kinda enjoyed “Citizens on Patrol” at age 40. This one’s not as good (I guess practice made…well, better at least by the fourth film), but it has its amusing moments nonetheless. Like “Dr. No” with the Bond franchise, the formula isn’t entirely in place here, but enough of it is here and series fans obviously like the film (For what it’s worth, “Dr. No” is my favourite Bond film anyway). Newbies who have somehow missed the franchise might not be quite as keen. For me, this one’s decent non-think entertainment, and sometimes that just about hits the spot if you’re in the mood.

 

Rating: C+