Review: Larry Crowne

Tom Hanks plays the title character, a genial sort of fella who after a stint in the Navy went to work for a company called UMart (basically Wal-Mart, but with the name fudged in case they think the film is shit) for many, many years. Hell, he’s been Employee of the Month there many times. Unfortunately, times are tough and Larry’s bosses (one played by Dale Dye, of all people) are looking for people to lay off. Despite his many years of faithful and good service, a lack of a college education sees poor Larry laid off. It gets worse as Larry’s already got financial issues at home (He’s divorced and lives alone in a house he’s now on the verge of losing). The solution comes in the form of Community College, in which Larry is encouraged to enrol in a few courses. One is an Economics class taught by a Japanese-American (the inimitable George Takei, AKA The greatest thing to ever happen to social media, playing a lecturer with no tolerance for phones in class). Another is a public speaking course taught by the seemingly miserable Miss Tainot (Julia Roberts), who turns up depressed that her class has just enough students turn up that she’s forced to actual teach them. Her partner (a perfect Bryan Cranston) is a professor-turned blogger who doesn’t bother hiding his internet porn addiction all that cleverly.

 

Mature-age student Larry is welcomed into the circle of some motor scooter-riding students, and principally the pretty and friendly Talia (Gugu Mbatha-Raw), whose over-protective boyfriend (Wilmer Valderrama) is suspicious of Larry’s presence in his girlfriend’s life. If the boyfriend had ever seen a movie in his life he’d realise Larry’s heart is destined towards someone else. Besides, Talia treats Larry like a three-legged lost puppy or a foster kid or something (Seriously, he gets a wardrobe makeover at one point. A grown-arse man). Rita Wilson plays a disingenuous bank employee, Cedric the Entertainer and Taraji P. Henson are Larry’s friendly neighbours, Pam Grier is Miss Tainot’s colleague, and a pre-“Mr. Robot” Rami Malek plays one of Miss Tainot’s other students, who is frankly an idiot.

 

You’d think any film featuring Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts would at least be watchable, right? I mean, the Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts of 2011 aren’t exactly gonna produce “When Harry Met Sally” or even “Sleepless in Seattle”, but surely they could come up with something disposably enjoyable for 90 minutes? I’m all for disposable entertainment with two top stars, I can do that. I know Roberts has barely smiled (her trademark early on in her career) since about 1995, but she’s an undeniable star even in 2020, and who doesn’t love Tom Hanks as an actor? He’s one of my all-time favourites and probably one of yours, too. Even though “that thing you do!” was no world-beater, it was cute and likeable. So, Hanks being at the helm of a film wouldn’t dissuade me from thinking any less about seeing it. Yet, the reviews for this 2011 film from director/co-writer/star Hanks were pretty mediocre and box-office was much the same. The trailer, to be frank, looked pretty uninteresting to me, too. So I waited on it. For quite a while. Well, finally plucking up the courage to see this film almost 10 years after its release…and yeah, I probably shouldn’t have bothered.

 

It’s even worse than I expected, and I think co-writer Nia Vardalos is likely more to blame here than Hanks. Vardalos, apparently a friend of Hanks’ lovely wife Rita Wilson, was pretty much a one-hit wonder with the ethnically stereotyped “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, and I didn’t even like that film. This ridiculously corny, sitcom-level romantic comedy is even worse. Oh God how much worse it is. And what a gigantic waste of some well-known faces, including a few stars on the rise like Randall Park, Taraji P. Henson, and future Oscar-winner Rami Malek pretty much playing a 2011 Vinnie Barbarino.

 

I can understand why Hanks and Vardalos would want to tell a then-timely story of corporate downsizing and unemployment etc. There’s potential in that, but I think that potential is mostly in the realm of TV movie or even sitcom/dramedy, not a motion picture with two of the biggest stars in cinematic history. There’s actually good work here by Cedric the Mild Entertainer, a hilariously douche-y Bryan Cranston, an amusingly unfunny George Takei (trust me, it makes sense), and a folksy Dale Dye in the opening scene. Those are all pretty brief performances, though. The rest is pretty dire.

 

The problems come early and indicative of what is to come throughout the film. A borderline patronising Taraji P. Henson acts as though she’s been instructed by Hanks to play her role as if she’s Olivia on “Sesame Street”. I was worried she was about to bust out a rendition of ‘These Are the People in Your Neighbourhood’. It’s very, very weird to behold. Meanwhile, you knew Rita Wilson had to turn up here somewhere, but she’s surprisingly caricatured and unfunny. And then we get to Julia Roberts. Here’s the conundrum. Roberts is actually very well-cast as a teacher who would rather be anywhere else. Her performance matches the character perfectly. Unfortunately, it’s the same grumpy, resting bitch face performance Roberts has given in just about every film after “Sleeping With the Enemy”, and I’ve become sick and tired of it (Thank God she finally snapped out of it for “Ben is Back”). She’s unpleasant, something you don’t want from one half of your central romantic coupling. More importantly, her performance just isn’t terribly good, Roberts is off her game. How bad is she? She plays the character as so miserable that I actually had sympathy for dick-ish, porn-addicted Cranston. Yeah. When Rami Malek showed up essentially playing (as I mentioned earlier) the modern equivalent of Vinnie Barbarino, it felt like I was watching some bizarro modernised feature-length episode of “Head of the Class”, but with a cynical Julia Roberts instead of Howard Hesseman or Billy Connolly. If this was one of Malek’s first feature film appearances, it probably should’ve been his last. He’s that bad (Then again, he was terrible as Freddie Mercury too, and they gave him the Oscar for that).

 

Coasting in front of and behind the camera, Hanks is fairly likeable in the lead role, but he’s also likeable in much better films that don’t have the misfortune of featuring Fez from “That 70s Show” (Wilmer Valderrama) sporting a goatee as a bizarrely finger-snapping scooter-riding bad boy. Seriously, what was with the finger-snapping? That clearly came from Vardalos, and it’s very, very weird and uncomfortable. In fact, the majority of the supporting characters (even Takei and Cranston) are vintage Vardalos caricatured creations. Getting back to Hanks, as much as we all love the guy and can tell he’s a genuinely decent human being, I’m pretty sure he’s not perfect 100% of the time. Larry Crowne is though, and it’s a massive problem for the film. The guy is likeable to the point of being entirely uninteresting. In fact, for the first time I can ever recall, Hanks ends up being pretty insufferable after a certain point here. I guess there really is such a thing as being too nice. Gugu Mbatha-Raw has some charm, but her ill-defined character is indicative of a co-writer/director/star looking for their ego to be stroked. The character’s motives are ill-defined and unconvincing. Unconvincing sums up the whole film, I didn’t believe a single moment of it. Even lightweight fluff should convince you for 90 minutes or so, right? I didn’t even buy the nature of Roberts’ class, it’s clearly material for 5^th grade students, not college or mature age (in Larry Crowne’s case) students. What the hell does Larry even get out of this class aside from potentially a relationship with his teacher? The class is supposed to be about confident public speaking, but public speaking is never shown to be an issue for him at any point prior or during his enrolment in the class. I just didn’t get it.

 

Far more indicative of Vardalos’ broad, unfunny schtick than director/co-writer/star Hanks, but ultimately Hanks is to blame for helming this dreadfully unconvincing, sitcom-level turd that was apparently partly inspired by his own experiences at Community College. The film wastes a pretty amazing list of familiar names and faces and a potentially interesting premise miscast as romantic comedy fodder. Is this really all Hanks and Vardalos wanted to say about downsizing? “Up in the Air” it ain’t, it’s actually a little embarrassing. One of 2011’s worst, and probably one of Hanks’ worst-ever, too. And what a waste of the wonderful and versatile Pam Grier in a nothing role!

 

Rating: D