Review: Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

The ragtag group of police officers trained in the previous films now have the task of helping to train a bunch of civilians as part of a new Citizens on Patrol programme. Yep, it spells ‘Cop’, which must’ve made the screenwriter chuckle heartily. Clearly a PR move, the idea is that by recruiting citizens to help out the cops, the police will win back some trust with the people, which has been dwindling of late. These citizen recruits include Tab Thacker’s ‘Tommy’, who is as wide as Bubba Smith’s Hightower is tall, Billie Bird’s gun-happy grandma Mrs. Feldman, and two skateboard punks played by Brian Backer and a pre-“SNL” David Spade. Perennially hoping for failure is G.W. Bailey’s antagonistic Capt. Harris, who takes a particular dislike to the skateboarders. Corinne Bohrer plays a pretty love interest for Bobcat Goldthwait’s maniacal Zed, and Sharon Stone gets to be hit on by Steve Guttenberg’s resident smart-arse ladies man Mahoney, playing a visiting journalist. Colleen Camp plays the gun-happy love interest to the always packin’ Tackleberry (David Graf). Favourites like Jones (Michael Winslow), chipmunk-voiced Hooks (Marion Ramsey), and the daffy Commandant Lassard (George Gaynes) are also back.

 

I’ve seen David Spade refer to this 1987 sequel as ‘The good one’, presumably because he’s in it. I’m not quite going to call this a good film, but it’s certainly the ‘good one’ of this particular franchise, and almost a good movie overall. I don’t hate this franchise like a lot of people, parts 6 and 7 are the only outright terrible films in the franchise (neither of which feature Steve Guttenberg or Bobcat Goldthwait, it should be pointed out). However, if you see only one “Police Academy” film, make it this one. Trust me, you don’t need to have seen the first film (which is the second-best in the series) to follow this one. They’re all essentially the same film made up of the same comedic bits, it’s just that in this one most of those bits amused me. Also, Bruce Mahler had a pay dispute so the useless and unfunny Fackler was written out of this and the subsequent films, so that’s a big tick for me over the previous films. Seriously hate that character so much. Directed by Jim Drake (A TV veteran for the most part) and scripted by Gene Quintano (“Police Academy 3: Back in Training”, Van Damme’s “Sudden Death”), this one is like the previous film in that the anarchic comedic stylings of Bobcat Goldthwait are a big highlight here. He’s an acquired taste and a little of him goes a fair way, but this is for me his finest hour as hooligan turned cop Zed. His poetry reading is a scream (literally), and he’s got an amusing romance here with the absolutely stunning Corrine Bohrer, too.

 

We open with what I consider one of the most iconic movie themes in cinematic history…and then an absolutely dreadful title song by something called The L.A. Dream Team, and otherwise super-talented co-star Michael Winslow. Stick to mimicking Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix, dude. Hippity hop is clearly not for you. Thankfully, the rest of the soundtrack is rather good, so long as you enjoy your 80s music. Aside from Goldthwait’s manic oddity, there’s some interesting people, and they play a pretty likeable bunch of characters. Winslow’s walking sound FX machine Jones and David Graf’s uber trigger-happy Tackleberry are as always my favourites among the regulars, though George Gaynes’ befuddled Commandant. Lassard is even loopier than usual. As much as I loved “Punky Brewster” as a kid, this is my favourite Gaynes performance. He’s got Frank Drebin levels of obliviousness here. Graf is involved in some funny moments where we learn he’s married into an even more aggressive family than the one that must’ve spawned him. He also works well opposite veteran actress Billie Bird as his geriatric gun-happy equivalent. She’s an absolute hoot, especially the bit where she fires a gun and the ‘kick’ takes her off her feet and propels her backwards. We’re not talking the most sophisticated of humour here, folks. It’s a film with David Spade in it after all. As for Winslow, the film doesn’t get the best use out of him to be honest, despite this being the best film in the franchise. Still, his patented Bruce Lee bit is always fun, and in my view he’s the most talented guy here. Steve Guttenberg will never go down as one of cinema’s finest actors, but he lends a likeability to Mahoney that keeps the resident smart-arse from being obnoxious. Tim Kazurinsky’s milquetoast little nerd Sweetchuck works as a great odd couple opposite to Goldthwait’s Zed in both this film and the previous “Back in Training”. Say what you will about the quality of the humour in this franchise, I still believe G.W. Bailey’s smug Harris is a great movie villain. There is absolutely nothing remotely likeable or sympathetic about him. He was really missed in the 2^nd and 3^rd film, so it’s great to have him back here. He’s kind of the Rooney to Steve Guttenberg’s grown-up wise-arse Ferris Bueller. The bit where he mistakenly uses a can of Mace in the shower is terrifically stupid. I’m 40 years old, but God help me, his ‘Don’t you ever touch my balls without asking!’ still makes me laugh, too. If those bits don’t make you laugh, you probably won’t laugh at Kazurinsky repeatedly getting crapped on by a pigeon, either. Needless to say, I laughed. Repeatedly. Pneumatic Leslie Easterbrook’s sexually aggressive Callahan gets at least one hilarious bit where she pretends to be a drowning victim, and I’m sure you can figure out what happens if you’ve seen the previous films. Similarly, Bubba Smith really only gets one good bit, but it’s his series high-point, scaring the piss out of David Spade, Brian Backer, and Tab Thacker, masquerading as a creepy voodoo priest. Culturally insensitive perhaps, but funny and utilising Backer’s one facial expression: Nerdy terror. David Spade may be the least convincing skateboard punk in cinematic history (despite the best stunt efforts of Tony Hawk and other skateboard pros after Hawk himself was fired), but he thankfully plays the character as David Spade, and he’s quite good at playing David Spade. Special mention goes to Lance Kinsey for being a really good sport as perennial kiss-arse (the aptly named) Proctor.

 

The climax mirrors the second film to some extent as the recruits go out on the streets, and features a ship full of ninja simply so the barely-seen Brian Tochi and Bruce Lee-impersonating Winslow can take them down. Also a bit head-scratching is the appearance by Derek McGrath from “My Secret Identity”, waiting around to be written into the film. If the film has a serious problem – aside from the requisite trip to the Blue Oyster Bar, dating the film in the worst way – it’s that it takes a bit too long for all the new recruits to get signed up. Otherwise, it’s a silly comedy for people who don’t mind silly comedies.

 

I like most of these people, these characters and grew up on these films. That likeability and familiarity takes this film quite a fair way, even if some of the cast are utilised better than others. While this is no one’s idea of a great film – hell, it’s still a bit shy of even being a good film – it’s the best orchestration of the “Police Academy” formula. This really is the only “Police Academy” film you should see, with Bobcat Goldthwait, George Gaynes, Tim Kazurinsky, and G.W. Bailey particularly standing out.

 

Rating: C+