Review: Killing American Style

Tony Stone (Robert Z’Dar) is busted out of a prison van by his cronies after having been convicted and sentenced for the crime, which included killing a few cops. One of said cronies gets shot in the ensuing mayhem, so after fleeing the scene they end up busting into – and holing up in – the home of long-haired Californian kickboxer Harold Diamond and his family. They terrorise everybody inside (including a kid, who doesn’t seem to belong in this household dynamic at all) whilst cop Jim Brown slowly works his way around to happening upon the scene. Joselito Rescober plays the family doctor, John Lynch is the resident creepy rapist of the gang.

 

I guess I saw the wrong film from writer-director Amir Shervan, whose “Samurai Cop” is an apparently beloved bad movie classic. This 1988 low-rent “The Desperate Hours” has a few bad movie moments, but is mostly my least favourite kind of bad movie: Forgettable. Even the Mickey Rourke/Anthony Hopkins remake of “Desperate Hours” is better than this, and that film’s forgettable too. There’s lots of tits and hot chicks, but if you’re looking for a movie where Jim Brown takes down Robert Z’Dar and his gigantic face, look elsewhere. Jim Brown is basically a guest star here, whilst our true leading man is the underwhelming Harold Diamond. If you’re looking for an indestructible bad arse “John Wick” kind of hero, you won’t get that from Diamond here. Sure, he knows martial arts but for much of the film he’s a hostage rendered somewhat submissive. Apparently a kickboxer in real life (who had a small role in “Rambo III” as a stick fighter), Diamond looks like a glam metal guitarist, and while physically he’s an interesting match for villain Z’Dar, he’s no actor. Neither is Z’Dar for that matter but you don’t hire Robert Z’Dar to give a good performance. You hire him to be the guy with the freakishly large jaw that makes it look like he’s wearing someone’s face over his own. It’s not Z’Dar’s finest hour but he’s not the issue here. Also, am I the only one who feels like his head and body belonged to different people? He wasn’t a small guy, but for some reason I always feel like he needed to be super jacked or quite overweight to counter for that gigantic melon.

 

Jim Brown says his lines and collects his money. He looks bored, and given how long it is until he gets fully integrated into the film, I don’t much blame him. His fellow cops seem to do most of the work, while Brown spends much of the film behind a desk. Brown fans deserve to feel ripped off, he’s practically a guest star here. The best performance of a bad bunch is by John Lynch. He seemingly never acted again and looks like a personal trainer or body builder, but gives a competently sleazy turn as perhaps the worst of the villains. Look out for the actor playing the kid, who seems legitimately terrified of the bad guys. I don’t know what went on during filming but he’s not a good enough actor the rest of the film for me to give him credit for a believable performance. Kid’s legit shitting bricks. Meanwhile, one poor actress seems to have filmed all of her scenes on the staircase. She seems to be there for 90% of the film. Most laughable of all here is the casting of the very clearly Hispanic actor Joselito Rescober as ‘Dr. Fuji’, who if the name didn’t tip you off is meant to be Japanese. Rescober doesn’t convince as anything other than Hispanic. What. The. Hell.

 

If you do somehow decide to watch the film, look out for the martial arts fight in a tiny hotel room. It’s one of the most awkwardly choreographed martial arts showcases you’ll ever see. Whoever came up with that idea was a moron. It gets worse somehow, though. The final fight might be the worst I’ve ever seen. Horribly framed, shot, choreographed and edited. At one point Z’Dar locks in a full-nelson. At least if it was the other guy haplessly trying to apply the hold on Z’Dar we might’ve gotten some unintentional comedy out of it.

 

Ultra-cheap action/thriller is weird as hell but not in any particularly amusing or interesting way outside of the oddball casting. It’s boringly subpar, and that’s no fun is it?

 

Rating: D+