Review: The Vault of Horror

‘We’re on an express elevator to hell, going down…’ Pvt. Hudson (Bill Paxton), “Aliens”.

 

Five men enter an elevator and end up in the bowels of the building. Whilst there, they each take turns telling stories about the bad dreams they all seem to have been enduring. Midnight Mess: Daniel Massey is looking for his estranged sister Anna Massey with sinister intentions. However, he gets his just desserts when he stops by a creepy restaurant with a very particular menu selection. The Neat Job: Fussy neat freak Terry-Thomas berates his new wife (Glynis Johns) for her inability to maintain a tidy home to the point of driving her to drastic measures. This Trick’ll Kill You: Magician Curt Jurgens and his partner Dawn Addams holiday in India for inspiration. He goes to extremes in order to acquire the secret to a local rope trick, with deadly consequences. Bargain in Death: Michael Craig uses drugs to fake his death in an elaborate insurance scam. Unfortunately, he doesn’t count on his cohort having plans of his own. Drawn and Quartered: Tom Baker plays an artist in Haiti seeks revenge on those who have wronged him (Denholm Elliott among them), via voodoo. If he damages a person’s portrait, the damage plays out on the designated person in real-life!

 

All of the Amicus horror anthologies are worth seeing, but some are better than others. For instance the final of their films “From Beyond the Grave” is fun but for me one of the lesser ones, whilst “Asylum”, “Tales From the Crypt” and “The House That Dripped With Blood” are all top-tier Amicus anthologies. This 1973 EC Comics adaptation from director Roy Ward Baker (“Asylum”, Hammer’s “The Vampire Lovers”) and screenwriter/Amicus co-founder Milton Subotsky is at the bottom with “From Beyond the Grave”, while “Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors” and “Torture Garden” fall somewhere in the middle.

 

We get the usual Amicus wrap-around here except instead of a Crypt Keeper-style figure, the characters narrate their own stories. The first story features Daniel and Anna Massey, who were siblings in real life. Daniel is creepy as hell here and so is the entire story, one of the best in any Amicus anthology film. The only slight letdown is that it features some of the least convincing vampire fangs you’ll ever see. At any rate, it’s off to a great start.

 

The second story gives us Terry-Thomas, so you know this one’s going the black comedy route. Playing an obsessive neat freak, the veteran comedic actor is in his element in this very fine showcase. He’s bloody marvellous playing a total prick of a spouse who deserves his fate richly. However, you might have to scrub your eyes for a week after seeing the bit where he accidentally puts on Glynis Johns’ underwear. A good segment, if not as memorable as the opener. I don’t always respond to the comedic segments in these things but this one worked for me.

 

Third cab off the rank is Curt Jurgens as a jerk magician plying his trade in India and pissing off the wrong people. It’s clear at this point that all of the main characters in this film are going to be pretty horrible, having dreams about murder and so on. Even for Amicus it’s a pretty twisted, dark film. Whilst not exactly a dud, the Jurgens segment is not up to the same standard as the previous two segments. It’s weird as hell and may be a favourite for some of you.

 

Long-time Australian resident Michael Craig headlines the next segment, an insurance scam story where Craig plays dead and gets temporarily buried alive. One would think there was an easier way to pull off the scam. It’s a clever idea for a story held back a bit by irritating narrative choices. It’s still better than the previous entry and has an hilarious wrap-up not going quite where I expected.

 

Our final story features Tom Baker with ridiculous hair and an even more ridiculous beard. The weakest Amicus films (and to be fair, one or two of the better films as well) have at least one dud segment and for this film I tend to oscillate between this and the Curt Jurgens one. Baker is typically intense but the story is simplistic and predictable. The best bit has one poor bloke getting his hands chopped off. Otherwise, unless it’s “Live and Let Die”, voodoo isn’t much my thing. Your mileage may wildly differ on this one.

 

The whole film is capped off by basically the same ending as “Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors”, which is a bit of a shame. I’m still recommending the film, but this is along with “From Beyond the Grave” one of the weakest Amicus anthology films. That first segment sure is terrific however, and the second one is good comic fun.

 

Rating: B-