Review: Can’t Buy Me Love

Patrick Dempsey stars as virtually invisible high school nerd Ronald Miller, who on his way to buy a telescope at the mall sees Cindy (Amanda Peterson), the popular high school hottie who happens to live next door. She’s trying to return an expensive outfit that was accidentally ruined. Ronald (who earned the money mowing lawns, including Cindy’s) steps in and offers to pay for a replacement outfit, but on one condition: She has to go out with him and be seen with him at school and on dates for a month. She reluctantly agrees, and after a rocky start Ronald’s social standing improves, and hey, even the somewhat aloof and unattainable Cindy (whom he has had a crush on for years) seems to genuinely like him. Unfortunately, popularity starts to get to Ronald’s head and he starts to alienate everyone around him. Courtney Gains and Max Perlich play Ronald’s nerdy friends, Eric Bruskotter plays a bullying jock, Seth Green is Ronald’s obnoxious younger brother, and Sharon Farrell (“The Young and the Restless”) is Cindy’s mother.

I used to be a fan of this Steve Rash (the eclectic director of “The Buddy Holly Story”, “Under the Rainbow”, and Pauly Shore’s “Son in Law”) directed teen comedy from 1987. In fact, in some ways it was my “Say Anything...” (though now I much prefer “Revenge of the Nerds”, “Lucas”, and “The Breakfast Club” to either of the aforementioned films). However, seeing it again in 2011, I’ve got my quibbles with it. Hell, even “Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise” holds up a bit better than this one.

I love the idea of a nerd getting the popular girl in movies, even if it’s unlikely. It has always appealed to me, I mean, my favourite TV show of all-time “The Wonder Years” dealt with such things quite frequently. What bothered me here was that the inclusion of money payment. Having Peterson accept money from Dempsey in exchange for her dating him makes both of them somewhat undesirable. Furthermore, the way the film is plotted, Peterson starts out unsympathetic and Dempsey becomes unsympathetic, so at various points, we’re not on the side of one of the film’s lead romantic couple. The thing is, I’m not sure what the solution is (would Cindy have given Ronald the time of day if he hadn’t paid her? Doubtful. And that’s a sad, unfortunate truth that many can identify with, well maybe not the payment element), and like I said, I really do like the idea of the nerdy guy getting his dream girl, impossible to believe as it may be. Hey, a nerd can dream, right? But I have to be honest, and the story concocted by debut writer Michael Swerdlick (who went on to co-script “Class Act”) bothered me a bit. The film’s main theme of staying true to yourself even when you become popular, would be so much more meaningful if there weren’t additional moral defects in the characters. I mean, I’m not even sure if Ronald wanted the girl or just popularity or a combination of both. It seems to start out as the former, but after a while, it’s at least a combination of both.

Still, this film is about subjects (high school, love, popularity) that I’m very much interested and invested in. It’s also a really well-acted film at the very least. Peterson is a bit overrated here, but quite good and seriously hot (and sadly she seems to have vanished from cinema around 1995), whilst Dempsey is pitch-perfect in his best-ever role as far as I’m concerned. People who only know him from “Grey’s Anatomy” who see this will finally understand why it’s so hard for some people my age to see him as McDreamy. He was the ultimate geek, as far as I’m concerned, and it just boggles my mind to see what has become of him. He’s always been talented, though, that I’d never dispute, but it’s just funny that he’s become relevant again and as a dreamboat. I mean, where are 80s heartthrobs Richard Grieco, Judd Nelson, and Johnny Depp these days? Well, OK, one of those three is still a big deal, I was just kidding. But I’m pretty sure that Johnny Depp guy is washing cars now, right?

A young Seth Green steals his every scene (not for the last time in his career) as Dempsey’s obnoxious little brother, whilst Courtney Gains is quite affecting (and believably nerdy) as Dempsey’s neglected best friend.

Look, it’s a fun and highly watchable film, but would be a whole lot better if they found a way to get our couple together without all the unpleasantness. It ain’t “Lucas”, but few teen movies are. And hey, any excuse to hear The Beatles is cool with me.

Rating: C+