Review: Rare Exports- A Christmas Tale

Set on the Finnish side of the Russo-Finnish border in December, young Onni Tomila and his pal Ilmari Järvenpää suspect an American mining operation in the mountains is actually an attempt to find the burial place of Santa Claus. And I don’t mean the jolly fat one. No, this Santa likes to punish naughty children, and is a bit of a sadist, really. His ‘helpers’, meanwhile, are gaunt, zombie-like little buggers who most certainly do not aspire to be dentists. And the reindeer? Mysteriously slaughtered en masse. Speaking of mysterious, the local kids start disappearing all of a sudden. Merry f’n Christmas, everyone!

I’m known for having what is referred to as a ‘selective memory’, which means although I’m forgetful about most of the things that are supposed to be important, if it’s related to movies, I’ll rarely forget. I also tend to take extensive notes during most movies, so that if I need to hold off on the review for a bit (I see a lot of movies, you understand), I can do so without losing any of my impression of a film. Thus, I present to you part 1 of my Christmas Eve and Christmas Night movie viewing. This 2010 film from the Finnish writer/director Jelmari Helander (brother Juuso co-wrote the story), based on two earlier short films he made takes the rather inevitable step of stripping away the Coca-Cola Santa mainstream iconography we’ve all become used to, and reverts back to the much darker Sinterklaas or Saint Nicholas versions of the character, but making things even more sinister. It’s a great idea to do that, and like I said, inevitable, so it’s a shame that the film isn’t better.

The decision to not have Santa Claus (or whatever you might call him) as a major player in the film was, for me, a real missed opportunity and the film isn’t as much nasty fun as I was hoping it would be. In a weird way, this plays like a much darker version of “A Christmas Story”, except the kid looks like he could be Bjork’s son, but not enough is done with Santa and the kids, if you ask me. However, as much as I don’t like to look at scenes of animal slaughter, the idea of dead reindeer is terribly funny. Sorry, but 430 dead reindeer is fall down hard hilariously funny. The film feels authentic and it’s very atmospheric, if too slow.

Santa’s elves here are unlike anything you’ve ever seen in Christmas stories before, but we’re too far into the film before they even turn up. More from them and the film could’ve really been something. However, having them look like inmates of Auschwitz does give off a bit of a wrong vibe.

 

It’s incredibly well-shot and well-lit by Mika Orasmaa, and certainly never dull, but it’s not quite what I had hoped for. It still entertains for the most part, but not as much as it could’ve. It’s worth a look, though, if you want a creepy alternative to the generally cherry holiday classics.

Rating: C+