Review: Saint

Principally set in 2010 in the Netherlands, we are introduced to a bunch of typical youngsters set to be menaced on December 5th, the day of holiday celebration in the Netherlands. Menaced by whom, you may ask? By jolly ‘ol Saint Nick, that’s who. Except he ain’t jolly. He’s an undead deliverer of terror who rides a zombie horse and lops people’s heads off with a staff. He does this every December 5th that has a full-moon, as we have already seen in a scene set in the 1960s. Bert Luppes plays a detective who experienced those events in the 60s and is determined to stop the menace this time once and for all.

 
Part 2 of my Christmas movie double-bill, I watched this 2010 flick from the Netherlands was written and directed by the amusingly named Dick Maas (Sorry, but dick jokes are still sometimes funny to me). This one is ever-so slightly better than “Rare Exports”, but once again mostly deprives us of an evil Santa Claus front and centre. It’s also a bit sloppy, with a truly shocking English dub (the character of Van Dyk in particular sounds like a bad parody of dubbed films) that makes the film seem cheaper than it is, and a strange structure that makes you think the female characters are going to be more integral to the plot than they ultimately prove to be.


The film begins in 1492 AD and to be honest, it really ought to have stayed there. The early scenes are nice and nasty and Maas also contributes an excellent music score. It soon skips to 1968, and although I was thoroughly enjoying the more Medieval stuff, we do get an absolutely hilarious scene as kids get sucked up a chimney one by one. This is what I wish “Rare Exports” was more like. Unfortunately, it soon skips forward to the present day and turns into a more traditional holiday-themed slasher. Mediocrity, cliché, and Americanised dubbing become the order of the day. Weirdest of all, for a Dutch film, the snow looks awfully fake if you ask me. Don’t they have real snow over there?


Still, there are moments to enjoy here and there. A scene where a kid is reassured that St. Nick doesn’t really exist but then is left to go to sleep in a room full of creepy clowns and other Satanic-looking toys is particularly funny. It’s also wonderfully violent (severed limbs are on the menu), though like I said, St. Nick isn’t the chief menace, as was also the case in “Rare Exports”. We do, however get to see the hellish-looking St. Nick a few times on his horse cutting an impressively creepy figure. Just not often enough. I loved his staff, though. It lops people’s heads off!

 
In the end, the film is easily watchable, but could’ve been even better with a few structural kinks sorted out, subtitles instead of crappy dubbing, and more emphasis on the title character.

 
Rating: C+

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