Review: The Watcher

James Spader plays a burnt-out, seriously drug-addicted FBI agent recently relocated from LA to Chicago, after he failed to nab a serial killer (Keanu Reeves) who killed someone close to him. Apparently this psycho has become attached to Spader and follows him to Chicago to start things up again. He plays games with the troubled agent by sending him photos of the intended victim and giving him a time frame in which to find them. Marisa Tomei plays Spader’s shrink, Chris Ellis is a detective, and Ernie Hudson is the superior officer.

 

Here’s a film where the behind-the-scenes back-story and speculation are more interesting than watching the film itself. The story I’ve read goes that Keanu Reeves gave director Joe Charbanic a verbal agreement years beforehand to do this dopey serial killer flick from 2000, with the understanding that his role was fairly small and insubstantial in the film. Apparently they used to play hockey together or something and he even directed videos for Reeves’ shithouse band Dogstar (Seriously, they’re bloody awful). When the film was subsequently much re-written, and Reeves had become a star, Reeves’ role was beefed up, but his pay stayed the same (less than James Spader and Marisa Tomei were paid), and Keanu wanted to walk away (Isn’t it better to be written into the film more rather than barely having a cameo? Oh, it’s about the money?....) He eventually agreed to do the film and wouldn’t even badmouth it in the press, so long as his role was downplayed in all promotion of the film. A notorious case involving Kim Basinger probably had something to do with Keanu’s change of heart. That’s what I’ve read, anyway.

 

Looking at the film itself, Keanu Reeves’ performance is absolutely appalling, but is it because he wasn’t invested in doing the film? Or was it some combination of his being completely miscast here, and frankly not much of an actor in the first place? My money is on the latter scenario, but you could be forgiven for thinking it was the former. Keanu’s by far the worst thing about the film, which is a pretty poor film overall, and it’s easy to see why Mr. Charbanic hasn’t made a feature-length film since, no matter what went on behind-the-scenes (I’d say the producers were the snakes here, not the director). But Keanu takes this thing to new lows, whether through laziness, miscasting, or incompetence as an actor. He certainly seems to be barely giving a performance at all, and being roped into making the film is no excuse for sucking, Keanu. In fact, if he is indeed half-arsing it, he’s a giant douchebag for doing so. I’ve seen worse Keanu Reeves films in my time (“Johnny Mnemonic”, anyone?), but he’s appallingly flat and his ‘duuuuuude’ voice is wholly inappropriate for the role. There’s nothing menacing or threatening about him at all, and his attempts at seducing women just gave me hilarious flashbacks to his attempts at being brooding in Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush, Rush’ music video (It’s hysterically funny to look back on it). Keanu as a serial killer? Don’t make me laugh, the film (which flopped) was doomed from the very moment someone thought that casting was a good idea. How bad is Keanu here? Jean-Claude Van Damme is better at playing a serial killer (in the underrated “Replicant”). That’s how bad Keanu is.

 

But like I said, the film itself sucks anyway. The stylised camerawork and plays on various photographic devices is all way overdone by Charbanic (who is an MTV graduate, of course) and usually impressive cinematographer Michael Chapman (“Invasion of the Body Snatchers”, “Raging Bull”, “The Lost Boys”, “The Fugitive”). At one point, we get a POV shot that makes it look like Reeves has a 16mm camera inside his noggin, but is just a stupid stylistic device that doesn’t make the film any closer to “Peeping Tom”. This, and the skewed angles are just Charbanic showing his music video background, but he’s clearly no Russell Mulcahy (director of “Razorback”, “Highlander” and a bunch of Duran Duran clips). Kudos for playing the one Rob Zombie song I like, though (‘Dragula’).

 

If there’s any reason to see this film, well there isn’t. However, James Spader does what he can to make the film suck a whole lot less. Unfortunately, he’s swimming upstream in a flood of biblical proportions. Spader’s good in a role Robert Downey Jr. or Carlos Estevez could’ve also played, but if you’re looking for suitable ‘James Spader Comeback’ material, try “Secretary”, the latter episodes of “The Practice”, or early episodes of “Boston Legal”, before things got a little too goofy. If Keanu is miscast here, then so is James Spader’s credible performance. It deserves to be in something better than this. Having said that, if you take out Spader’s character, you’ve got an even worse film. It would not only be terrible, it’d be your standard ‘killer taunts police detective’ film.

 

I can see why the immensely warm and empathetic Marisa Tomei was cast as a shrink here, but I have no clue as to why she accepted such an inert role where her only function is to be a kidnap victim setting up the finale. Unless the kidnapper is a patient, that’s just stupid. Chris Ellis, meanwhile, is perfectly acceptable in a role that probably should’ve gone to a bigger name. Imagine what life or colour a John Goodman, Will Patton, or Joe Pantoliano could’ve done with it. Hell, Ernie Hudson could’ve played it instead of taking the shitty police captain role he has here. Isn’t he stealing Bill Duke’s patented role in that case? Hudson’s a terrific character actor, but appalling at choosing scripts. I’ve never seen him give a bad performance, and given he was in “Congo”, that says a lot.

 

One solid performance is not nearly enough to save this over-stylised, underdone serial killer flick with a hopelessly miscast villain and nothing new to say. Turn it off. Scripted by Clay Ayers and David Elliott (the latter of whom co-wrote “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra”) from a story by Elliott and Darcy Meyers.

 

Rating: C-