Review: Bullet to the Head

Sly Stallone plays a New Orleans hitman named James Bonomo, better known as Jimmy Bobo, who along with partner Jon Seda bump off a dirty ex-cop. However, not long afterwards, a hulking former mercenary named Keegan (Jason Momoa) kills Seda. Enter Washington cop Sung Kang, who thinks the two murders must be related, and travelling to N.O., he approaches Jimmy Bobo to question him about it. You see, Kang was the former partner of the deceased scumbag cop. Unfortunately, local cops on the take start targeting Kang too (partly because Kang is a giant moron or at least exceedingly gullible), leading to Kang having to form an uneasy alliance with criminal Jimmy Bobo, who isn’t an ‘ask questions first’ kinda guy (I mean, what questions does a hitman need to ask anyway?). Out for revenge, Bobo just wants to kill every last sonofabitch responsible for his partner’s murder (which is easier than say, killing every corrupt person in New Orleans, which according to this movie is pretty much everyone, so that’d be one helluva body count). Kang claims he’ll still arrest Bobo after it’s all done, though. Christian Slater (a scummy lawyer) and Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (a greedy developer) play two guys higher up the criminal food chain than Keegan, and Sarah Shahi plays Bobo’s tattoo artist daughter.

 

I want to report that Sly Stallone’s retro actioner from 2013 is a significant improvement over Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “The Last Stand”. I really do. Unfortunately, this film from veteran action director Walter Hill (“Streets of Fire”, “48HRS”, “Extreme Prejudice”, “Undisputed”) and screenwriter Alessandro Camon (who did much better co-writing the powerful “The Messenger”) is on about the same level of entertainment value: Pretty average.

 

There’s nothing here you haven’t seen before and better. I’m also not entirely convinced that Sung Kang can carry an entire film on his shoulders as pretty much the co-leading man here. Sly brings out the best in him in a buddy movie kinda way, but when Sly isn’t around, he’s incredibly boring to watch. Whoever approved that casting is an idiot, the guy just doesn’t cut it. Sly, meanwhile, is much better here than in anything since maybe “Rocky Balboa” (Despite some of the corny dialogue in that film). He’s somewhat likeable, and yet the film doesn’t shy away from showing him murdering the fuck out of people (The CGI blood is noticeably more fake-looking than usual. It looks a bit silly).

 

The supporting cast is pretty strong, with gimpy but suave Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje and the more crass Christian Slater particularly well-matched. I know Slater fucked up off-screen several years back (this was his first role in a ‘major’ theatrical release in 8 years apparently- it feels longer to me), but he’s far too talented to be as wasted and underused over the years. He’s probably a bit wasted here too to be honest, but a good performance nonetheless. Playing Brian Thompson in “Cobra” (Sly’s narration in this, by the way, is a billion times better than in “Cobra”), Jason Momoa doesn’t get much screen time, but when he does, no one else exists. Dude has undeniable badass presence. As for the feminine side of things, Sarah Shahi is an instant burst of sex appeal and charisma. I still have no idea why she didn’t become a star after stealing her every scene on “The L Word”, which I swear I never watched.

 

Based on a graphic novel, it looks good, sounds good, Sly is fine enough…but the script is clichéd beyond belief. I like the hook of a cop and hitman teaming up, but here’s not one surprise in the whole damn thing, and Hill is pretty much coasting here. It also should’ve ended a scene earlier, as you’ll surely agree when you see it (If you’ve not done so already). Terrific, blues/rock score by Ry Cooder, who has apparently changed his name to Steve Mazarro. Oh, alright, it’s not Cooder at all, but it might as well be. It sounds like vintage Cooder to me.

 

Rating: C+