Review: The Mountain Men

Set in pre-Civil War Wyoming, the film is about two aging trappers, played by a humourless Charlton Heston and a grizzled and loud Brian Keith. The plot mixes ‘grumpy old man’ buddy movie relations (they bicker and argue over which Indian tribe has been following them) and tense relationships between the trappers and local Indian tribes as the fur trappers start to see the end of the road for their way of life. Along the way Heston rescues Native American woman Victoria Racimo from a fearsome Indian warrior (Stephen Macht). Needless to say, said fearsome Indian warrior ain’t too happy about losing his woman, and sets out to scalp the two rowdy old fellas. John Glover turns up early as a dandy businessman who hooks up with our protagonists, whilst Victor Jory plays an elderly Native American, and Seymour Cassel plays a Cajun associate of Heston and Keith.

 

Pretty much the only feature film effort (and the first) from TV director Richard Lang (who directed many episodes of “Kung Fu” among other shows), this 1980 western was given a major shit-kicking by critics at the time. For the life of me, I can’t understand why, though a lot of westerns in the 70s and early 80s suffered similar critical savagery. It’s a forgettable piece of nothing much, that if not for the fact that it features two great stars in Charlton Heston and Brian Keith, would have almost nothing worth talking about. Bad movies I can talk for hours on, but mediocre ones? I hate reviewing mediocre films, it almost doesn’t seem worth it.

 

Oh well, if I must then…

 

Scripted by Heston’s son Fraser Clarke Heston (“Mother Lode” and “Treasure Island”, both starring his dad), the film reminds one of some of the light-hearted westerns where John Wayne or Robert Mitchum would team up with say Kirk Douglas, albeit usually very reluctantly and with a lot of comedic bickering along the way. Unfortunately, this is really inferior stuff, and while Charlton Heston was a great star and Brian Keith an excellent character actor, they play completely uninteresting and ill-defined characters here. This just isn’t nearly as fun as you’d like it to be, I’m afraid, though I must admit that I’m shocked no one likes it. It’s not so flagrantly awful that I can’t see it having at least a small fanbase.

 

The supporting cast has some interesting faces, with John Glover as a dandified tenderfoot being a nice contrast to the gruff, grumpy old stars. Unfortunately he ends up rather wasted. Victoria Racimo never quite made the grade as a star, but gives by far the best performance in the whole film, and it’s always nice to see character actor Seymour Cassel, even if you don’t see nearly enough of him. Stephen Macht, however, is abysmally unconvincing as an intense Native American. Appallingly miscast, his war paint is entirely ridiculous, making him look like he’s doing Cesar Romero in “Batman”, only he botched the makeup so badly he ends up looking more like an Italian greengrocer with a bloody nose. Veteran actor Victor Jory, in his final film role, is much more convincing as an elderly Native American, but even the names of the Native American characters seemed made up to me. Running Moon? Medicine Wolf? Are you freakin’ serious? It just made me think of the “Hot Shots!” films, not ideal.

 

The film’s biggest plus is undoubtedly the stunning Wyoming scenery captured by cinematographer Michel Hugo (“Head”, “They Only Kill Their Masters”). It’s so breathtakingly beautiful that you wish that the film encased in it were up to snuff. Sadly, it’s not, and that’s a bit of an insult to mother nature, really. A rather rowdy, loud film about cantankerous fur trappers in their near-twilight years, it’s all a bit one-note, really. I tired of it fairly quickly. The scenery, however, is outstanding.

 

Rating: C