Review: Annabelle

Set in the Manson era, Ward Horton and Annabelle Wallis play expectant parents. Wallis collects porcelain dolls, and Horton brings home another one for her collection. It’s bigger than her other dolls, and frankly a whole lot uglier. One night, it appears that something awful is happening next door, and whilst Horton goes to investigate, Wallis is attacked by a crazy cultist woman who grabs the doll. After spending some time in hospital recovering from this frightening incident, Wallis has her baby and comes home. Eventually, though, work sees the family move to a new town. And that’s when spooky stuff really starts happening, and Wallis starts to suspect the ugly frigging doll might be somewhat the cause of it.

 

I was a bit ‘meh’ on “The Conjuring”. It came with a lot of hype, and was mildly effective, but I felt its split narrative deflated a lot of the tension/terror for me. However, that film is a damn masterpiece compared to this completely lifeless, dreary 2014 prequel from director John R. Leonetti, a noted cinematographer (He shot “The Conjuring”, and the superior “Insidious”, and interestingly he also shot “Child’s Play 3”).

 

Right off the bat this is yet another film that just doesn’t understand that if you’re gonna make a movie about a creepy doll, you need to make it look convincing enough as something that at some point in time was seen as appropriate for children. “Child’s Play” got that balance right, but this one fouls it up by giving us a hideous-looking creation that you just don’t buy into from the get-go. The other, ‘normal’ dolls in the film are far creepier despite not being designed to be. That’s not the only thing laid on too thick here, as bringing up the Manson family and having the Mia Farrow-lookalike Annabelle Wallis (Weird coincidence, huh?) attacked by crazies whilst heavily pregnant is just a little too much, really. I did appreciate, however, that the scene was refreshingly bloody, which I wasn’t expecting from a film like this. Oh, and having Wallis actually play a character called Mia does NOT make this “Rosemary’s Baby”, thank you very much. Not even close.

 

Annabelle Wallis and Ward Horton are woefully uninteresting in the leading roles. Completely deprived of charisma or presence, they create the most boring screen couple since “Manhattan Murder Mystery”. They are so boring that Wallis’ pregnant cravings are exactly what you think they’d be: Pickles and mustard. Woah, that’s crazy man! Wallis in particular is so dreary and soft-spoken I was worried she was in a semi-comatose state or something. Speak up, woman! Alfre Woodard is a helluva actress when allowed to be, and she does not need to appear in something like this that wastes her as the token ethnic character who just so happens to be an expert in spooky gobbledegook. Ugh. Really? In 2014? Geez.

 

Even the film’s chief asset ends up ironically sinking the film completely: The cinematography. Shot not by Leonetti himself but James Kniest (in his most notable assignment to date), it looks pretty amazing. Camera movement in particular is outstanding, and really works overtime. Leonetti and Kniest clearly know how to shoot and light a film, it’s a real show-reel in that sense. Unfortunately, it’s the wrong way to shoot and light this particular film. You find yourself constantly noticing the camerawork and lighting and frightfully disinterested in anything else. Sure, the story kinda sucks and the characters are a chore, but the cinematography ends up being the best and worst thing about the film, really (Well, actually, the worst thing is that the doll never does anything in the film! Not one thing!). It just goes to show you that good cinematography can be just as much of a distraction as bad cinematography. But honestly, it’s the only thing worth noting in this dreary, disastrously boring and completely un-terrifying so-called horror film.

 

Mr. Leonetti hasn’t a clue how to direct a horror film and the lead actors are so godawful boring you find yourself yearning for Patrick Wilson. Think about that, people!

 

Rating: D+