Review: The Octagon

Chuck Norris plays a former competitive martial artist who goes up against a terrorist organisation of deadly ninja (!) which just so happens to be headed by Norris’ disgraced Japanese stepbrother Tadashi Yamashita. Long ago they studied under their master (John Fujioka, in crimson-filtered flashbacks) before the latter (played in flashbacks by Brian Tochi) was banished for dishonourable behaviour. Yuki Shimoda and Gerald Okamura are overseeing the ninja recruits, whilst Aussie martial artist Richard Norton debuts in dual roles as the recruiter of the newbies and Yamashita’s masked enforcer, respectively. Into the mix we also get Lee Van Cleef turning up as Norris’ slightly antagonistic anti-terrorist group leader old acquaintance (at least I think, his character is a tad murky), Art Hindle plays Norris’ feather-haired martial arts buddy A.J., Karen Carlson as an heiress and mystery woman with a grudge against Yamashita, and Carol Bagdasarian as a fiery trainee ninja. Look fast for Ernie Hudson and Tracey Walter, who appear in a scene apiece.

One dopey storytelling device and Chuck Norris’ complete inability to act just keep this 1980 ninja movie from debut film director Eric Karson (minor action flicks like the early JCVD film “Black Eagle” and “Angel Town”) and screenwriter Leigh Chapman (“Dirty Mary Crazy Larry” and uncredited work on the blaxploitation classic “Truck Turner”) below a recommendation. And it’s a real shame, because it’s otherwise pretty fun stuff. Said dopey storytelling device is the idiotic decision to have Norris’ character express doubts and questions via a whispery, one-note inner monologue that sounds like it was recorded in an echo chamber. Because acting is entirely foreign to Norris (is there a worse actor out there who has had a longer career?), and because echo-whispering the whole time is just plain stupid and annoying, it makes it really hard to take this thing seriously. Whoever came up with that creative decision is a giant toolbag, it really does spoil the ninja party.

Thankfully, the majority of the rest of the film works, and a pirate earring-sporting Lee Van Cleef looks to be having fun. Norris doesn’t do fun. In fact, the majority of the supporting cast are infinitely better than Norris, particularly Van Cleef (who has more acting talent in his earlobe than Norris does in his entire being), a Farah Fawcett hairdo-sporting Art Hindle (!), a brief cameo by Ernie Hudson, and a terrific one-scene cameo by wormy character actor Tracey Walter acting a bit like Peter Lorre. Walter gives the second-best performance behind Van Cleef, and it’s not even close. John Fujioka does a bang-up job as Norris’ mentor, but his flashback scenes are unfortunately extremely brief. Look out for “Revenge of the Nerds” Asian stereotype Brian Tochi as the younger version of Tadashi Yamashita’s villainous character during the red-tinged flashbacks.

Others aren’t as impressive, but are still a cut above most in this sort of thing. Yamashita (a martial arts instructor and occasional actor) proves to be the Japanese version of Norris, quite wooden, I’m afraid, though American-born Yuki Shimoda is a bit better as his villainous co-hort. Aussie martial arts guy Richard Norton actually gets a dual role as Yamashita’s masked enforcer and the Aussie-accented henchman/recruiter ‘Long Legs’. It was his film debut, and in the latter role he sports a 70s-era blonde Norris hairdo. Norris swiftly kicks him in the balls. Well done, Chuck. Veteran stunt man/bit player Gerald Okamura (“Big Trouble in Little China”) fares a bit better as a tough ninja instructor. In a switch up from the norm, he actually gets dialogue, and although not a natural actor, it’s great to hear him talk for once nonetheless. As for the women, fiery raven-haired Carol Bagdasarian is the only one you’ll remember. She’s got something, and sadly didn’t go very much of anywhere with it, if one is to believe IMDb. The plot isn’t anything great, but it’s fine. In fact, the scenes with the ninja recruits and Richard Norton (sans mask) wouldn’t be out of place on an episode of “The A-Team”, a show I love dearly. It’s not the plot that’s the problem. Chuck Norris is the damn problem, and since he’s the main star…the film was always somewhat doomed. That it still gets as close as it does to working is largely due to my general interest in ninja, some fine supporting performances, and a truly fun climax. Honestly, the film’s action-packed climax is almost worth seeing alone, it’s great fun. In fact, it might just be the best display of Norris’ martial arts skills I’ve seen on film. More of this martial arts stuff, and I might’ve been on board here. Unfortunately, you’d still have to contend with Chuck Norris the actor, and well, he fucking sucks at that. Always has, always will.

Take away the stupid inner monologue, and cast a guy who can fight and act a bit in the lead, and this becomes a standard but enjoyable ninja flick. As is, it’s a film with a lot of fun elements, a particularly great climax, and Chuck Norris shitting all over it. Chapman’s screenplay is from a story by him and Paul Aaron (who later scripted the urban crime flick “In Too Deep”).

Rating: C+