Review: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze

The ninja turtles are now living with reporter April O’Neil (Paige Turco) after their sewer home was compromised in the first film, and they are turning her apartment upside down. The plot this time centres around the totally not dead Shredder (now played by Francois Chau) kidnapping scientist David Warner, whose company created the radioactive material that mutated the turtles and their rodent sensei Splinter (once again performed and voiced by Kevin Clash). Shredder wants to use the ‘ooze’ to create his own mutated creatures to do his evil bidding. Needless to say, the ninja turtles attempt to thwart these evil plans and do away with Shredder and The Foot Clan for good, aided by butt-kicking pizza delivery boy Keno (Ernie Reyes Jr.). Vanilla Ice appears as himself performing on stage at the film’s climax.

 

The first film was pretty enjoyable on its chosen level, but it’s not as easy to defend this 1991 cash-grab from director Michael Pressman (“Doctor Detroit” and a shitload of TV work) and screenwriter Todd W. Langen (co-writer of the first film). It’s an obvious step down from the first film, yet I’m not about to call it a bad film per se. Clearly made very quickly after the first film, it has a flimsy plot and runtime that has it playing more like “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 1.5” than “II”. Meanwhile, with all due respect to WWE/WCW wrestler Kevin ‘Big Sexy’ Nash, Super Shredder is one of the lamest cinematic creations of all-time. The idiotic animatronic monsters Tokka and Rahzar aren’t much better, to be honest, despite this film having a bigger budget than the first. A whilst anyone who says they don’t like ‘Ice Ice Baby’ is a lying fool, everything about the Vanilla Ice cameo here is just wrong. I mean, his popularity pretty much spontaneously combusted by the time this film hit cinemas, and we all know it was just shameless soundtrack promotion anyway. But for what this is…c’mon it’s hardly “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” or some cheapo crap like that.

 

For starters, you’ve got veteran character actor David Warner giving more than his clichéd ‘kidnapped scientist’ role deserves, and although the character is made virtually useless Paige Turco is easily the hottest April O’Neil to date, which is something. The original film’s Judith Hoag wasn’t invited back this time, apparently due to her complaints on the first film over violence and the short shooting schedule. That’s what I hear anyway. The late 80s cartoon is the only incarnation that really got the character of April down pat for me, however (Though I’m sure comic book creators Eastman and Laird will disagree). Best of all here is teen karate-kicker Ernie Reyes Jr. (On a side note, I miss “Sidekicks”, damn it!), who has been battling health issues in recent times, and in my view deserves a much better career than has thus far been afforded to him. He was about 19 here I believe, and his typically charismatic self. He apparently impressed in his stunt man role on the first film, and gets a few opportunities to kick butt here on screen (performing his own fights) whilst also not being the worst actor for his martial arts skillset, either. I really do think Hollywood missed the boat by not giving him his own juvenile martial arts movie franchise. Dollars were left on the table, I’m telling you. If the film is lacking for Elias Koteas (who was probably making higher-minded films by now), Ernie Reyes Jr. more than picks up the slack in his absence. He’s the highlight of the film by far, but if you have a low tolerance for him, obviously you’ll find him a bit difficult to put up with here.

 

Aside from the inimitable Kevin Clash as Splinter and the same voice dubs for Toshishiro Obata and (strangely, given he speaks perfect bloody English) Francois Chau as Shredder, the only returning voice actors here are Robbie Rist as Michaelangelo and Brian Tochi as Leonardo. Corey Feldman is not terribly missed (he was the voice of Donatello, now voiced by Adam Carl), and Laurie Faso isn’t so much worse than his predecessor as the voice of Raphael as just different. Raphael is less brooding and anti-social here and more of a mouthy wiseguy in a frequently cranky mood. That’s fine, no better or worse really. The suits are a slight upgrade on the surprisingly solid work in the first film, there’s some impressive dexterity and flexibility allowed with them in the fight scenes.

 

There’s not much plot and the whole thing is way too short, but I wouldn’t call this a terrible film. It’s not very good, but it’s not every day you get to see Ernie Reyes Jr. kick arse on screen, and the turtle animatronic suits are quite good. However, even at the age of 11 seeing this in cinemas, I knew this was pretty mediocre. The climax is particularly lousy and Paige Turco gets almost nothing to do, though she does it as well as possible. Meanwhile, let’s fall forget that ‘Ninja Rap’ ever happened, OK?

 

Rating: C