Review: Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

The title metal-heads and the only members of terrible garage band Wyld Stallyns face expulsion from school if they don’t pass a big history assignment. Ted (Keanu Reeves) also faces the prospect of being sent by his dad to military school in Alaska! Worse, they actually need an A+ on this report, or they’ll be flunked and kicked out. And that’s when Rufus (George Carlin) turns up in a phone booth seemingly emerging from the sky. He’s from the future (2688, to be exact), a future where Bill (played by Alex Winter) and Ted actually have god-like status in society. He’s about to help them ace their assignment by giving them access to the phone booth, which is actually a time machine. With it, they are able to go back in history to visit all manner of historical figures, whom they will gather together to help pass the assignment. These figures are the very insecure Napoleon (Terry Camilleri), befuddled Socrates (Tony Steadman), trigger-happy Billy the Kid (Dan Shor), Sigmund Freud (Rod Loomis), Joan of Arc (Jane Wiedlin), warrior Genghis Khan (Al Leong), Beethoven (Clifford David), and the one and only Abraham Lincoln (Robert V. Barron). A stop off to Medieval times also scores the duo a couple of hot ‘babes’.

 

Although not a patch on the sequel “Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey”, this 1989 Stephen Herek (“The Mighty Ducks”, “The Three Musketeers”) idiot comedy/time-travel movie is a lot more fun than it probably should be. Scripted by Chris Matheson (“Mum and Dad Save the World”) & Ed Solomon (“Mum and Dad Save the World”, “Leaving Normal”, “Men in Black”, “Now You See Me”), it’s surface-level entertainment, but if you don’t smile throughout this, check for rigour mortis. It’s kind of a charming and sweet film in its own surfer dude/stoner slacker way, and a lot less annoying than any of the more modern equivalents like “Dude, Where’s My Car?”. Bill and Ted are idiot slackers, but they mean well and you actually find yourself hoping things work out for them. Where else are you gonna find Bernie Casey as a history professor, George Carlin as a time-travelling mentor named Rufus, Go-Go’s member Jane Wiedlin as Joan of Arc, E Street Band saxophonist Clarence Clemons and singer Martha Davis as futuristic elders, and Kiwi band Big Pig on the soundtrack all in one film? Yeah, OK that last one’s not really a positive given Big Pig suck, but c’mon, you can’t hate this film.

 

Bill and Ted’s circular conversations are alone hilariously moronic, and Ted’s response to the question ‘Who is Joan of Arc?’ is a classic. Meanwhile, Ted’s right: Bill’s stepmother Missy (Amy Stock-Poynton) is very cute. Has the film’s ‘dude speak’ dated somewhat? Yes, but dated doesn’t always mean outdated, and let’s face it, the film is more than 25 years old! (You nearly fainted, didn’t you?). This is a film of its time, and it can be appreciated on that level, if you ask me. Besides, if you don’t laugh at lines like ‘You killed Ted, you Medieval dickweed!’ (Alex Winter’s Bill, with the film’s best line) you and I simply can’t hang.

 

In terms of being a time-travel film, there’s no doubt that butterflies get stomped the fuck out was Bill and Ted interact with their future selves. However, the film is openly stupid and importantly, a comedy, so it doesn’t matter. Yep, here’s the one exception to that rule, basically. I mean, it’s a time travel film involving a phone booth as the mode of travel, and unless you’re Dr. Who no one’s gonna take that remotely seriously. The FX aren’t sophisticated by today’s standards, but they’re kinda fun and have an appropriate MTV vibe about them. Speaking of MTV, the best joke in the film is that the future is decided by a couple of idiot stoner metal heads. Well, so long as you consider Van Halen as metal. The final history report is no KISS at the end of “Bogus Journey” (well, on the soundtrack at least), but is nonetheless fun. Whether it’s Sigmund Freud offering Bill a seat on his couch, and Bill replying ‘Nah, just a minor Oedipal Complex’, or Abraham Lincoln’s infamous line that got played in the trailer at the time, you can’t help but smile, even if these guys are practically cheating on the assignment. The actors playing the various historical figures are a wildly mixed bag. Robert V. Barron (playing Abe Lincoln by way of Dick Miller) is the one people remember most fondly, but for me it’s veteran stuntman/henchman Al Leong as Genghis Khan, Aussie character actor Terry Camilleri as Napoleon, and the pitch-perfect Rod Loomis as Sigmund Freud who fare best. Leong  may have been born to play Genghis Khan, in my view, and ditto Loomis playing Sigmund Freud. The scene where Genghis Khan goes bonkers in a sporting goods store is a particular hoot. He may not be a visual dead-ringer for what we know of the real guy, but he’s close enough, and certainly looks the Genghis-type, to say the least. By the way, check out the dudes who stand behind him in his first scene. One of them Mongols is a white dude! Hilarious. The biggest laughs for any of the historical figures, however, come from the hilariously snooty and insecure Napoleon, and Camilleri is pretty convincing in the part. Camilleri is a scream as he throws a hissy fit at the bowling alley. His similarly wacky adventures at a water slide park and pigging out at a porcine-themed dessert bar are also priceless. Next best is probably English actor Tony Steadman as Socrates, the mispronunciation of his name by Bill and Ted being a running gag. His constantly befuddled facial expressions are pretty choice.

 

Wiedlin and Clifford David are a bit forgettable as Joan of Arc and Beethoven, respectively, though the latter looks enough like a dehydrated Andre Rieu to at least be an amusing visual in 2016. Dan Shor is outright terrible as Billy the Kid, however. He just won’t do, a weak-arse choice there if you ask me. George Carlin is terrific as Rufus, I hadn’t even heard of the guy back in 1989, so he didn’t come with any baggage for me, and I simply accepted him as Rufus. Bernie Casey is priceless, meanwhile, as the bemused history teacher. I wish he was seen on screen more these days, actually. Look for the lovely Diane Franklin as one of the Medieval England ‘babes’. You may remember her from breaking the lead character’s heart and stomping on it in “The Last American Virgin”. That’s “Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” co-star Duncan McLeod as a bartender in the Wild West, as well. As for the leads, Keanu does this kind of thing well (possibly too well), and Alex Winter is his perfect match. They’re likeable enough that their dopey antics never wear thin.

 

Here it is, folks, a film that wins you over despite basically being about two slackers who use time-travel to cheat on a history assignment! Let me reiterate that: They learn absolutely nothing about history. They time travel, kidnap famous figures, and let those famous figures tell their own story. It’s kind of ingenious and dopey at the same time, and one has to wonder if the screenwriters were stoner slackers back in the day. Forget that this is a time-travel film, too many butterflies get stomped on here. It’s a comedy. Good, dopey fun with well-paired stars and as 80s as you can get.

 

Rating: B-