Review: Welcome to the Jungle (2014)


The head (Dennis Haysbert) of an advertising firm hires a motivational speaker and all-round badass of mysterious origin and qualifications named Storm Rothschild (Jean-Claude Van Damme!) to help motivate his employees. This somehow involves taking them to a remote jungle location for some man vs. nature-style team bonding that totally won’t go wrong and lead to a “Lord of the Flies”-style regression of their more humane qualities back to baser, animalistic instincts. Their pilot dies, Storm goes MIA (and possibly dead) after an attack from a tiger, and now they’re pretty much stranded and fucked. Before long, resident arsehole Rob Huebel somehow (read: drug-related bribes) becomes a deity as everyone starts to lose their minds, have orgies, and pretty much kill/eat each other. Adam Brody plays a somewhat spineless but well-meaning guy who along with the office ice-queen-who-is-actually-quite-nice (Megan Boone) and wimpy Kristen Schaal, tries to get everyone else to stop the madness and work together so that they can somehow find a way to get off the island. Kristopher Van Varenberg and Bianca Bree turn up as a couple of the other stranded employees.

 

No, not the film otherwise known as “The Rundown”, but a 2014 survival comedy from director Rob Meltzer (whose only previous feature-length film was something called “A Jewish Christmas Story”) and screenwriter Jeff Kauffmann (whose only other writing credited is one episode of TV’s “American Dad”) that gives you the lighter side of a surprisingly comedically adept Jean-Claude Van Damme. Unfortunately, he’s pretty much the only funny thing in this otherwise lame film that tries for a mix of “Office Space” and “Lord of the Flies” parody.

 

I wouldn’t call Van Damme a natural comedian per se, but he gives it his best shot, looks to be having a blast, and is a lot better than you’d probably expect. The only laughs in the film come from his character, whether it’s setting up a ridiculous amount of explosives to break everybody in, or a very funny encounter with a tiger. His subsequent appearance is even funnier, as is his list of three ‘wars’ he has fought in. Perhaps best of all, the guy looks in great shape and in good spirits. That can only mean good things if you ask me. The film suffers in the scenes he’s not in, which sadly are quite a few. When he’s on screen, the film shows promise that it could’ve been a lot more than it ultimately is. By the way, his son Kristopher and daughter Bianca appear in small roles, with the former being one of eleventy billion producers on the thing. Former teen TV drama ‘hunky nerd’ Adam Brody makes for an OK Steve Guttenberg-type, but the rest are a wash, including an overexposed Rob Huebel, one-note baby-voiced comedienne Kristen Schaal, and a thoroughly wasted Dennis Haysbert in a glorified cameo.

 

The basic idea actually could’ve produced something funny or at least interesting, but here it’s mostly tired and obvious. I won’t deny there’s a few amusing moments in this lame comedy, especially when a game Jean-Claude Van Damme is around, but for the most part this is pretty tired, unfunny and clichéd. It’s just not very good. 

 

Rating: C

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Review: Hellraiser (2022)

Recovering junkie Odessa A’zion accompanies scuzzy boyfriend Drew Starkey on a break-in where all they find is a weird puzzle box. A’zion later opens the box and after some weird shit happens, A’zion and Starkey figure it might be a good idea to learn more about this messed up trinket. Goran Visnjic plays a millionaire who possessed the box before our protagonist nicked it.   Is there any point in remaking/rebooting “Hellraiser” when the 1987 adaptation of Clive Barker’s original text was written and directed by Barker himself? And is considered a horror classic? On evidence here, absolutely not. Directed by David Bruckner ( “The Signal” ) and scripted by Ben Collins ( “The Night House” ) and Luke Piotrowski (ditto) this is an entirely tedious affair. I took a long time to get on board with the 1987 “Hellraiser” , I have to admit. It was wildly imaginative and original, like a nightmare transplanted on to film. However, the characters were stone cold and left me similarly chilly t
Read more

Review: Boyka: Undisputed

Yuri Boyka (Scott Adkins) is out of prison and fighting for a living, with ambitions for the ‘Most Complete Fighter’ to make a real name for himself. However, after an opponent dies during a fight, the deeply religious Boyka starts to have a crisis of conscience. He tries to make amends with the man’s widow, which eventually pits him against a local gangster (Alon Moni Aboutboul, quite good). Anything with Scott Adkins will generally get me interested, and although this series peaked with the superlative “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , this 2017 film from director Todor Chapkanov (director of the SyFy movies “Copperhead” and “Ghost Town” ) is no slouch in a series yet to deliver anything less than solid entertainment. Producer Isaac Florentine is missed in the director’s chair, but Chapkanov gives us at the very least the series’ most dramatically ambitious entry, as Adkins’ ‘most complete fighter’ Yuri Boyka continues on his journey to redemption here. In this one, the
Read more

Review: Ninja 2: Shadow of a Tear

Scott Adkins is once again Casey, an American proponent of the martial art of Ninjutsu. When Casey’s pregnant Japanese wife (Mika Hijii) is rubbed out, he’s on a vengeance mission to find her killers. A friendly face, Nakabara (Kane Kosugi) turns up at the funeral, and suggests Casey come to Thailand to deal with his grief in another country. Casey initially declines, but eventually takes Nakabara up on his offer. However, his wife’s murder still haunts Casey, and with intel supplied by Nakabara, the trail eventually leads Casey to a brutal drug baron named Goro (Shun Sugata).   I was extremely disappointed with the first “Ninja” , but had heard that this 2013 sequel from director Isaac Florentine ( “Undisputed II: Last Man Standing” , “Undisputed III: Redemption” , “Ninja” ) was a damn near masterpiece of the martial-arts action movie genre. Having now finally gotten my hot little hands on it, I’d say the hype is a bit much, but this is unquestionably a much better film than the f
Read more