Review: The Karate Kid

12 year-old Dre (Jaden Smith) follows his workaholic mother (Taraji P. Henson) to China, where she has found a work placement. Whilst in a new land and reluctant to adapt and learn the language, Dre finds himself almost immediately running afoul of some young bullies. Headed by the scowling Zhiheng Wang, they belong to a kung-fu school taught by a no-nonsense, somewhat sadistic instructor Master Li (Rongguang Yu). Luckily for Dre, he has local handyman Mr. Han (Jackie Chan) to look out for him, fending off the bullies one day when they set upon the poor kid. Mr. Han tries to take the matter to Master Li, but Master Li seems perfectly happy for Dre to get beat up, so Mr. Han suggests that they move the fight to an upcoming tournament, with the proviso that no one lay a hand on Dre in the meantime. Master Li agrees, and Mr. Han starts to train Dre, using some rather unorthodox methods that at first irritate the rather petulant, self-absorbed Dre. Meanwhile, Dre strikes up a tentative relationship with a pretty young classical music student (Wenwen Han). But he still doesn’t learn the damn language!

 

The original “Karate Kid” from 1984 is a classic blend of coming-of-age and “Rocky” underdog sports movie. This 2010 remake from Harald Zwart (who apparently directed “Pink Panther 2”) is absolutely none of those things. Such a misfire is it, that despite the title it is set in China. Where they do various forms of Kung-Fu. Not Karate. Which is Japanese. Oh, but of course we needed to find a way to get Jackie Chan to play the Mr. Miyagi role (played in 1984 by the late Japanese-American Pat Morita). Jackie Chan being Chinese. And an exponent of Kung-fu. Not Karate. The film ought to have been called “The Kung-Fu Kid”, you know it, I know it, Zwart knows it, writers Christopher Murphey and Robert Mark Kamen (the latter of whom penned the original “Karate Kid” and the underrated “Power of One”, and presumably didn’t work on this film specifically) know it, and Jackie Chan sure as shit knows it. It was a decision clearly based on monetary potential (some claim that the title is referenced in the film’s dialogue. I say ‘cop out horseshit that’s beside the point’), nothing more nothing less. The title alone put me in a bad mood watching this, but believe me, there’s a lot more wrong with it. In fact the title is merely one indicator of the film’s obvious racism, or at the very least careless stereotyping. Oh, Kung-Fu, Karate, same thing, right? All that flippy Asian shit’s the same to you, Mr. Zwart isn’t it? Yeah, except Karate is from Japan and Kung-Fu (an umbrella term for several forms of martial arts) is Chinese, both are different forms of martial arts, coming from very different traditions and cultural histories. As he is Chinese himself, I’m surprised Mr. Chan wasn’t offended, as China and Japan have a very long, unhappy history with one another, as anyone with even a passing knowledge (like me) would know.

 

But like I said, it’s not just the title. The film’s treatment of Wenwen Han’s strict disciplinarian parents is a negligible example of the typical studious-minded stereotype that Asians (especially Japanese, Korean, and Chinese) get slapped with in the media. That’s not to say it doesn’t ring true in many cases (and not just Chinese. I swear you can find similar things elsewhere, particularly on soap operas and teen shows where the parents are always the bad guys), but did we really need such an archaic stereotype, especially considering the film already paints China in a stereotypical manner (the scenery is all postcard-like, quaint temples, crummy little apartments etc., whilst the schools- especially the karate school- are seemingly run like a Red Army base, with perfect formations)? Perhaps it was necessary (it’s always nice to see the Great Wall), but that doesn’t make it interesting. I also felt a faint whiff of racism in the way that young Dre was treated by the youthful bullies in the film. I might be lashing out at something imaginary here, but I felt like the kids weren’t just picking on him for being a foreigner, but that his skin colour might’ve had something to do with it too. In fact, the portrayal of Dre and his mother also sat uncomfortably with me in a big way. Did Dre really have to have cornrows? Really? Did he have to have the stereotypical African-American name ‘Dre’? Really? What’s wrong with Daniel (from the original)? I’m surprised his mother wasn’t named Shaniqua. But then, I’m also surprised young Jaden Smith didn’t teach the young Chinese kids how to get jiggy wit’ it at one point (though he and his girlfriend do play a dance-themed computer game set to that irritating-as-shit Flo Rida song “Low”. Ugh. Did the director or screenwriters use MTV as the basis for their portrayals of African-Americans?).

 

I also doubted that Dre’s mother would land a hi-tech corporate job in such a country as China. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being working class (I’m working class myself, I guess), or inarticulate of speech, but there is a problem with this particular person being that way, it doesn’t fit the job description. Compare that to the original where the mother was waitress/manager. The portrayal of Dre and his mother is pretty foul, actually. Son of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, young Jaden Smith (whose obnoxiousness in the remake of “The Day the Earth Stood Still” served as an interesting break from normality amongst big screen kid portrayals), is completely off-putting. His arrogant and petulant characterisation of Dre makes for an unlikely and unlikeable protagonist. This kid is so stubborn and arrogant that he doesn’t even bother to learn Chinese before moving there! To live! I just didn’t buy that at all, and why in the hell wouldn’t his mother be stricter in getting him to learn the language? (Ironically, the DVD takes more of an interest in teaching people Chinese, from what I’ve heard, there’s a ‘Learn Chinese’ feature!) They’re both painted as loudmouthed and gauche, working class African-Americans who wouldn’t last five minutes in China with their attitudes. Dre is an obnoxious little shit, hardly befitting the role of a protagonist. Sure, the mother tries to learn Chinese, but she also loudly and obnoxiously scolds her child for getting into a fight whilst in front of his principal! On his first day at school! A typically no-nonsense, intimidating-looking Chinese school! China, where (if you believe the usual media representation) kids are meant to be quiet and unquestioning of adult authority! Somehow I don’t think Zwart and the screenwriters were intentionally playing up the worst stereotypical traits of African-Americans or Chinese people, but that’s how it played to me. Taraji P. Henson, a generally fine actress (“Benjamin Button” wasn’t her fault, either) has absolutely nowhere to go but full-on harpy here. So gauche and constantly disapproving of her son is she that I kept waiting for her to tell him to go get those welfare checks and cook her pigs’ feet for dinner (For those of you who have not seen “Precious”, I am not being racist, quite the opposite in fact). And the character has some pretty messed-up morals, actually. You see in this version of the story, Henson’s character watches in awe at a kung-fu demonstration and is whole-heartedly in favour of her 12 year-old son (who looks about 6, by the way- more on that later) learning kung-fu, let alone entering a damn tournament. At least in the original, the mother showed some trepidation about it at times. Geez. She also seems to have absolutely no problem with him spending a whole lot of time alone with a hermit-like repairman who is unmarried, and who is barely known to her or the kid. Yet, if Dre damn well leaves his clothes plonked on the ground one more time she’s gonna get all scowly and disapproving of him! I’m not against young people learning martial arts, but there’s just something way off about the character of the mother as a whole, and Henson unwisely cranks the already up-to-11 character to infinity and beyond (Yes, I did just make two film references in the same sentence describing a character in a third film. Clever aren’t I? And modest too....) And don’t even get me started on her not reading the school’s manual before her son’s first day of school in a new, predominantly non-English speaking country. Dre might be ignorant and stubborn, but his mother is just incompetent and foolish, be she a workaholic or not I found it inexcusable and hard to swallow.

 

Another issue I had with the film is the age of the kids in the film, and certainly the age they looked to be on screen. Jaden Smith is supposed to be about 12, but like I said earlier, the little dude looks 6. More importantly, his a skinny, wimpy-looking kid, so that when it comes tournament time, he’s not even remotely credible (despite all the efforts of Mr. Smith and presumably a fair amount of CGI). The kids he’s fighting, also look frighteningly young. And I use the term ‘frighteningly’ for a purpose. You see, I have no problem with kids doing martial arts in movies, so long as it is done in a somewhat fantastical manner or so long as the violence is minimal. These kids break limbs and pound the crap out of each other. It’s surprisingly violent, actually, and quite disturbing. Then you add Jackie Chan to the mix and...well, it’s Jackie Chan beating the shit out of some pre-teens. That shit’s just not right, y’all. More importantly, it’s not entertaining. OK, that’s great Jackie, you can beat up little kids. Awesome for you. The original “Karate Kid” did not have to worry about any of this. It featured characters around 16-17 (played by guys well into their 20s), and Morita’s Mr. Miyagi looked a helluva lot less of a threat to them than Jackie Chan does, so that it seemed more of a fair fight. I mean, let’s face it, Jackie could’ve beaten these kids up without using martial arts. They’re kids. Little ones. With no freaking muscle development. I mean, Jackie’s short, but not that short!

 

What really bothers me about this is that I miss the drama of the original, which was sort-of a coming-of-age drama with a bit of “Rocky” tacked on. The remake occasionally lifts moments and lines from the original (no Crane Kick, though), but has absolutely none of the charm (though Jackie Chan is pretty good with what he’s been given) or character depth, despite running at 140 minutes to the original’s 126 minutes, and that 14 minute difference plays like about 20 or 30 here, believe me. Maybe 12 year-olds just aren’t as interesting as those on the verge of adulthood, certainly these 12 year-olds aren’t, though Wenwen Han is awfully cute. The kids are frankly boring and not very well-acted. The actors playing the bullies in particular, aren’t at a stage in their lives or careers where they can effectively convey the emotions and motivations that are needed for their roles. That’s ‘coz kids don’t act like this. Oh sure, kids bully one another, we’re seeing that especially these days. However, these Chinese kids don’t act like your average school bully, they’re something else- something unbelievable (well, outside of the Hitler Youth anyway). The fights, by the way, are completely devoid of any entertainment value, and not just because of the total age inappropriateness of them. Director Zwart and cinematographer Roger Pratt (“Brazil”, “Batman”, “Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein”) employ handheld shaky-cam stuff in the tournament scenes, robbing us of any enjoyment, making it incredibly hard to see any of the action. The original’s climax was lots of fun, even if the fight choreography might lack today’s sophistication. This version of the tournament was a bore, despite playing off a few fondly remembered moments and lines from the original (‘I don’t want him beaten!’ gets another go round here). And what in the hell was up with the schizophrenic soundtrack? Featuring AC/DC’s seminal “Back in Black” and Red Hot Chili Peppers’ re-do of Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground” in the same film that closes with a freaking Justin Bieber song? To use a modern parlance, WTF? That last one certainly doesn’t compare to the original’s “You’re the Best Around”. Now there was a sports movie anthem, right there.

 

I really reacted strongly against this film, and not just because the original is one of my favourite films. This remake offers no decent alternative (well, aside from an amusing variation on the fly-catching scene). A total misfire, embarrassingly overlong, and a completely uncomfortable experience overall.

 

Rating: D+