Review: Halloween

We are introduced to creepy young miscreant Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch), and the somewhat trashy Myers family, headed by a stripper mom (Sheri Moon Zombie), and loutish stepfather William Forsythe, slutty elder sister Hanna Hall, and a young baby. When Michael’s penchant for killing goes from animals to murdering his family (save mom, who was at work, and the baby) he is institutionalised, under the care of glory-seeking shrink Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell). 15 years pass (mom has committed suicide) and the now silent and seriously hulking Michael (played as an adult by Tyler Mane) escapes from the asylum and heads after his one remaining family member, the now teenage Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton), who is a typical, babysitting virginal teen, befriended by sexpots Danielle Harris and Kristina Klebe. Can Dr. Loomis find and stop Michael in time? Brad Dourif plays Sherriff Brackett, Harris’ father, cult actors Clint Howard and Udo Kier play doctors (!), Dee Wallace is Laurie’s adoptive mother, 80s exploitation fave Sybil Danning plays a bitchy nurse, Danny Trejo is a sympathetic janitor, and there are also cameos by exploitation faves Bill Moseley, Leslie Easterbrook, Ken Foree, Sid Haig, and Mickey Dolenz.

 

OK, first things first. This 2007 Rob Zombie remake/reimagining should not have been made. The John Carpenter original, one of the first of its kind (along with “Black Christmas” and perhaps the giallo-tinged “Torso”), is among the top 3 horror films of all-time in my, and many others’, opinion. To remake something that worked damn-near perfectly the first time (it was a minimalist masterpiece that “Friday the 13^th” wishes it were) is just about the dumbest idea I’d heard since...well, the remake of “The Omen”. That film actually wasn’t bad, mostly because it rarely strayed from the source. Zombie clearly admires and respects what Carpenter did with the 1978 original, but unlike the aforementioned “Omen” remake, this film spends a good half of the film setting up the origins of everyone’s favourite Shatner mask-sporting nutjob killer. Whilst he’s doing this, Zombie gives us hands down his best-ever work (and I didn’t at all hate either of his previous films, especially “The Devil’s Rejects”). It may not have been necessary to set up Michael Myers’ origins (the original only spent about 5 minutes doing that and worked just fine. We didn’t know much about Michael, he wasn’t even credited as Michael at the end, the credits say ‘The Shape’. And by giving him little back-story, no dialogue, and a generic white mask, it made the character seem like a purely evil force and it was brilliantly effective), nor was it necessary to make the film more explicitly violent (the original is nearly bloodless, despite its reputation), but I found this section to be creepy, interesting, and just plain bloody good. I was really enjoying the film, even though Michael’s origins actually don’t stray too much from most monster killer’s upbringings. Young Faerch is uber-creepy as young Michael (the kid is seriously messed up and perhaps even scarier than in adulthood, and yet Faerch almost makes us sympathise with the poorly treated little twerp at times), and genre veteran Forsythe is perfect as his nasty stepdad (he’s marginally more likeable than Charlie Manson). And yes, that’s young Jenny herself, Hall (“Forrest Gump”) grown up and playing Michael’s occasionally naked older sister. I also dug Zombie’s love of old schlock films and B-grade actors- a particular delight to see pneumatic Scream Queen Danning, and the always welcome Haig and Foree. Even more delightful than seeing Hall’s boobies was seeing “Halloween” series veteran Danielle Harris showing us her goodies. She did it for the fans, apparently. Thanks, Danielle!

 

Not so enjoyable was McDowell, who just seemed majorly miscast in the blandly interpreted role of Dr. Loomis. He seemed ‘off’ (loved the wig, dude. Not!), and the character wasn’t anywhere near as compelling as it was in Donald Pleasence’s hammy hands. Still, it was amusing to see the usually villainous McDowell, Kier, and Dourif all playing authority figures here (and only Zombie would dare cast Danny Trejo as a kindly janitor!), and with a little tweaking here and there, Zombie could’ve taken this engrossing set-up and run with it, creating his own Myers-like psycho killer under a different name.

 

Unfortunately, as I was enjoying all this, I was slowly getting that sick feeling of dread...I knew the fun wasn’t going to last much beyond the half-way point. If this was going to be Zombie’s tribute to the Carpenter original (tribute being a more apt description than ‘reimagining’ or ‘remake’, because I doubt Zombie is trying to best the Carpenter film. Besides, the back-story has more to do with “Halloween II” when you think about it), then of course it was going to have to deal with those events on Halloween Night about 15 years after young Michael killed his elder sister...and that’s where it all started to fall apart. Well, at least fall from the heights it had previously attained. After an effectively cast-against-type Trejo is dispatched, inevitably and somewhat sadly, actually (It’s a great moment, followed soon after by a scene-stealing cameo by “Dawn of the Dead” star Ken Foree), it all becomes business as usual, with Zombie re-creating the events of the original film, with few differences, the director having pretty much painted himself into a corner. And if we’re just watching an inferior (and rushed- it’s all condensed to about 40 minutes after all that back-story) version, the whole thing is doomed. I knew it from the start of course, but geez, that terrific set-up had me slightly hopeful.

 

The first annoyance about this last section of the film comes in the form of the new Laurie, played by an over-caffeinated Taylor-Compton as cinema’s single most annoying horror movie heroine. I wanted Laurie to die. Painfully. And sadly, she’s the heroine, so I knew better. It was like watching Velma from “Scooby Doo” on Red Bull. Less annoying, and indeed less annoying than P.J. Soles before her is Klebe, and it’s nice to see “Halloween” alum Harris playing the Nancy Loomis role. But really, this section of the film is mostly useless, it’s almost as much of a scene-for-scene remake as Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho”, with only a few minor adjustments, and a far more hurried pace that just doesn’t gel well with what has come before it. And it’s hard to get excited about a re-tread of something you’ve already seen when it’s in the hands of a, with all due respect, lesser filmmaker.

 

On the positive side, and I may be in the minority here, former wrestler Mane makes for a superbly imposing, thoroughly brutal adult Michael, and I for one rather liked the interpretation. This guy doesn’t fuck around, and he’s really quite a nasty, seemingly unstoppable force of evil. It’s not as violent as Zombie’s other films but it is certainly more violent than the original, and this aspect at least kept me awake during the otherwise disappointing second half.

 

So, it’s half a very good movie, and half an average movie...I’ll round it down overall to an OK movie. Certainly it was better than it could’ve been, better than it had any right to be, and better than I was expecting. I just wish it told more of its own damn story, instead of retracing someone else’s steps. Then again, given what Zombie was set to come out with next with “Halloween II”, perhaps it was for the best?

 

Rating: C+