Review: Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Capt. Pete Lassard (Howard Hesseman) is finding it hard to control crime in his precinct and calls for fresh cadets from his brother Cmdt. Lassard (George Gaynes). So the likes of Tackleberry (David Graf), Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg), Jones (Michael Winslow), Hightower (Bubba Smith), Hooks (Marion Ramsey), and Fackler (Bruce Mahler) come along to help out. Mahoney is assigned a slob (Peter Van Norden- who looks a lot slimmer today) with a gigantic dog, Jones has fun with a humourless veteran (Sandy Ward), whilst Tackleberry actually falls for his gun-loving partner (Colleen Camp). Meanwhile, Capt. Lassard’s scheming Lt. Mauser and perennial kiss-arse Proctor (Lance Kinsey) are looking to see things fail, so Mauser can take over. Bob (Bobcat) Goldthwait plays Zed, leader of a band of animalistic punks wreaking havoc on the streets, particularly menacing mild-mannered shop owner Mr. Sweetchuck (Tim Kazurinsky). George R. Robertson, as always plays the exasperated Chief (soon to be Commissioner) Hurst.

I’ve always said that “Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol” is the only film in the franchise you should see. “Assignment: Miami Beach” was the one Steve Guttenberg even turned down, and the last two “City Under Siege” and particularly the direct-to-video “Mission to Moscow” are pretty pitiful. For me, the rest all blend in together a bit in their overall mediocrity. So this 1985 film from Jerry Paris (“Police Academy 3: Back in Training”) has a few moments of fun here and there, but mostly fails to impress all that much. Scripted by frequent Eddie Murphy collaborators Barry W. Blaustein (who made the fascinating and depressing wrestling documentary “Beyond the Mat” which everyone needs to see at some point) and David Sheffield (“Coming to America”, “Boomerang”), this one features Mauser (Art Metrano) as the chief antagonist rather than the far more memorable Capt. Harris, so this one was always going to be a tough sell to me.

 

As with the subsequent “Back in Training”, it’s Tim Kazurinsky and Bobcat Goldthwait who steal the show here. Kazurinsky is a perfect milquetoast wimp and Bobcat is…well, one of a kind. They score early here. Meanwhile, Mauser here is essentially playing the Capt. Harris role for Cmdt. Lassard’s police Captain brother Pete, played by the great Howard Hesseman. Unfortunately, George Gaynes has little more than a cameo in this one (he has a funny bit with some fish food), and poor Hesseman (a talented guy, especially on television) had an unhappy time making this film, and you can’t blame him. His role is a thankless, unfunny one that he nonetheless tries to make work. I have no idea why producers passed on giving Capt. Harris a go in this and using Mauser instead, the character and actor just aren’t funny outside of the superglue gag (It’s an obvious gag, but funny is funny). Speaking of unfunny, is there anyone out there who actually finds Bruce Mahler’s accident-causing Fackler even remotely funny? I’d genuinely like to know. It’s a shame Leslie Easterbrook was pregnant at the time, because her Lt. Callahan tends to at least be pretty good value, whereas Fackler…I just don’t get. I used to find the Blue Oyster Bar gags hilarious as a kid. Then I grew up and realised they were basically all about gay panic. Not funny. On the plus side, the late David Graf is in top form as gung-ho Tackleberry, who in one of the film’s funnier moments is assigned traffic cop duty and has to deal with a little pissant played perfectly by the one and only Jason Hervey (AKA, Everyone’s most/least favourite older brother from “The Wonder Years”). Colleen Camp, meanwhile is perfectly cast as his new partner, soon to become a partner in more than one sense of the term. There’s a particularly funny bit where she levels Kazurinsky’s store with a machine gun. She and Graf’s Tackleberry also have a great romantic scene where they take off all their weaponry. It’s an old gag, but a good one in a film full of mediocre gags. Yes, even Michael Winslow is having an ‘off’ day, his bit messing with a couple at a cafeteria is pretty lame from an otherwise extremely talented guy.

Unfortunately, one of the reasons this film just isn’t up to snuff is because the other partners for the cops are pretty much of a bust. Mahoney’s partner in particular is a boring slob with a food obsession that just isn’t funny. There’s way too much time wasted on him, and Guttenberg isn’t exactly known to be a laugh riot, either. That wasn’t his purpose in the series. Although Metrano is and forever will be a bust as Mauser, Lance Kinsey continually steals scenes from him as dumb-arse kiss-arse Proctor (a perfect character name if ever there was one).

Probably a little weaker than the subsequent “Back in Training”, this is pretty mediocre and forgettable stuff. The laughs are sparse, and any Art Metrano is way too much Art Metrano for me. Just watch “Citizens on Patrol” and skip all the other films.

Rating: C