Review: You Only Live Twice

SPECTRE and its chief megalomaniac Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasence) have hijacked American and Soviet space shuttles in order to pit the two superpowers against one another. James Bond (Sean Connery) ventures to Japan to meet with Tiger Tanaka (Tetsuro Tamba) and attempt to find out the location of Blofeld’s evil lair. Akiko Wakabayashi plays Aki, who will aide Bond in his investigations, whilst Karin Dor is SPECTRE agent Helga Brandt.

“Dr. No” is my overall favourite Bond. “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service” has the best screenplay of any Bond film. The most fun Bond film? This 1967 Lewis Gilbert (“Alfie”, “Damn the Defiant”, “The Spy Who Loved Me”, the subpar “Moonraker”) film. An obvious inspiration for the “Austin Powers” films, this is for the most part the most ‘typically’ Bondian film to my mind (along with the lesser- yet more popular- “Goldfinger”), and although far from perfect is chock-full of entertainment. I don’t normally love gadget-heavy Bond films, and I generally don’t enjoy Bond films without memorable Bond girls, but this film is too much fun to worry about any of that.

The gun barrel 007 theme here is for me the series best (With “From Russia With Love” the only other real contender), getting the guitar inclusion pretty much perfectly. It’s a small detail, but that’s what evaluating a Bond film tends to be about. Cheesy FX or not, the opening space-set sequence is good fun, followed by some great set design from production designer Ken Adam for a U.N. scene. After that we get the totally non-sexist scene where Bond enquires about the difference between caviar and chicks…or something. Yeah, it’s sexist but oddly charming too. What really makes this one of the series’ best pre-titles scenes is Bond ‘dying’. Yeah, we know the hero’s not really gonna die before the opening credits, but still look at how much stuff we get before the opening credits even start. It pretty much tells you what to expect throughout the rest of the film. After that we move on to the great Nancy Sinatra title song, easily one of the 10 best Bond songs of all-time. The titles by Maurice Binder are also some of his best work in the series, it’s all chicks and volcanos. Gushing geysers. Spurting spouts. Yeah, I really am proud of myself. We get to see M and Moneypenny in their Navy whites, and for me this is Lois Maxwell’s finest hour as Moneypenny, with her scenes in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”, and “Dr. No” not far behind. As for the John Barry (“Goldfinger”, “Robin and Marian”, “Body Heat”) score, like the title song it does have the slightly stereotypical ‘Japanese’ sound to it at times, but for the most part it’s really, really lovely and one of my favourites in the entire series.

I think the screenplay by famously macabre children’s author Roald Dahl is underrated here. Yes, the evil scheme is the same evil megalomaniac rigging things to pit nations against one another that you’ve seen many, many times throughout the series. However, in my view this is the most entertaining version of it. Many people cite this as Sean Connery’s least enthusiastic performance as 007, mainly I suppose because he temporarily stood down from the role here. However, I don’t see any lack of enthusiasm here, and think it’s actually “Thunderball” where he seemed to be phoning it in. One of the film’s chief assets is the production design by Ken Adam (“Dr. No”, “Goldfinger”, “The Spy Who Loved Me”, “Dr. Strangelove”), which for me is some of his best work. Blofeld’s volcanic lair in particular is iconic stuff.

I think a chief reason why I consider this the most ‘fun’ Bond film is because it’s so chock-full of almost everything you could possibly want in a Bond film, and yet it’s one of the shortest Bond films at around 100 minutes long so there isn’t a wasted or dull moment. Racial stereotyping, in addition to sexism is definitely a problem here, but Japan for me provides one of the more interesting locations for a Bond film. We get a sumo wrestling scene for crying out loud, who wouldn’t love that? Meanwhile, look out for the legendary High Chief Peter Maivia as a cab driver/thug. Grandfather of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, he’s hard to miss here: He looks Samoan, is Samoan, and is amongst a mostly Japanese cast. He and Connery have one of the series’ best-ever fight scenes where Bond beats the fuck out of him with a sofa and a small statue, respectively. I think the sofa did enough damage without the statue being implemented, to be honest. There’s also a memorable bit with a car and a chopper with a flippin’ huge magnet. As for ‘Little Nellie’, it’s a love it or hate it gadget/vehicle, and I’m firmly in the former category. I also loved the accompanying scene with Q, who seems even more pissed off with 007 than usual.

And then there’s Ernst Stavro Blofeld, played by the inimitable, if diminutive Donald Pleasence. There have been more well-rounded Bond villains, Bond villains with more screen time, etc. However, there’s only one Blofeld as far as I’m concerned and that’s Donald Pleasence (It’s interesting to note that Charles Gray, who made a terribly limp-wristed Blofeld in “Diamonds Are Forever” has a much better, if briefer time of it here as Henderson). He’s my favourite Bond villain of all-time, from the scar, to Pleasence’s fixed stare and creepily calm voice, to the vicious piranha he keeps on hand, to even the poor cat that wants to be anywhere else except in Donald Pleasence’s arms (Apparently the explosions scared it. Yeah, sure. Explosions…) He’s the ultimate, most easily identifiable Bond villain, and Pleasence is both chilling and oddball. That said, one of the film’s chief flaws is how long his first full on-screen appearance is delayed in this film. Dahl’s script is otherwise pretty terrific, but it’s obvious that the film could’ve been even better with more Blofeld earlier on in the film. I do, however understand the delay as the story is set up as a mystery. I just think I’d have an easier time convincing people of how great Pleasence is if he weren’t reduced to the final third of the film. Imagine if they kept Pleasence as Blofeld for “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”. With all due respect to Telly Savalas, that film would be even better with Pleasence in the role (And would be the best Bond film of all-time if Connery had played Bond in it instead of the ‘other fella’). If you’re still not convinced this film has everything, there’s the climactic action sequence, which features Donald Pleasence being evil, a skittish cat, and fucking ninja action. Beat that every other movie ever made! It’s absolutely my favourite Bond movie climax.

I mentioned the sexism, and it is indeed a problem here more than any other Bond film. Every complaint about sexism thrown at this series can be summed up in the bathing scene here. It’s sexist, chauvinistic, and maybe a little misogynistic too. You do get the rare occasion of Bond getting married here (not to mention Bond ‘dying’ in the opening part of the film), but that comes at a cost as well: The racially dubious sight of Sean Connery being given a ‘Japanese’ makeover with a dopey haircut and something weird done to his eyes to kinda sorta not really make him look Asian. Yeah, that one’s not easy to defend so I won’t. On the plus side, Bond quickly learns that his marriage is more of a business transaction, though he does end up charming his bride eventually. It’s a Bond film, after all. Still, the initial idea is hilarious.

The film doesn’t have any memorable Bond girls, which is a shame. Karin Dor isn’t awful, but think how much more interesting her character would be if played by Luciana Paluzzi from “Thunderball” instead. Dor is a bit forgettable, and the other girls not much better. I also want to make special mention of Robert Rietty, but for all the wrong reasons. A veteran voice dubbing actor in the series, dubbing for Tetsuro Tamba here he uses the same damn accent he did when voicing characters of completely different nationalities (Burt Kwouk appears to be the only Asian actor not being dubbed). He’s also given the unfortunate and impossible task of uttering one of the more dreadful lines in film history when he remarks ‘She’s very sexyful’. Yes, sexyful. I don’t know if Dahl came up with that line himself or not, but whoever did…someone should’ve slapped them hard and then scrapped the word. I mean, it’s not even a word. Sexyful? Really?

An iconic Bond film with never a dull moment, the series’ best villain, and the best production design of the series too. This one’s almost too much fun, silly or not. It’s got ninja action! How can you not love that?

Rating: B+