Review: Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

The island currently housing the dinosaurs is under threat from impending volcanic eruption. The US government ultimately declines to assist in rescuing the dinosaurs off that island. Former shrieking workaholic COO Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) now has a new job to go with a complete change in character/personality: She’s the head of a non-government organisation trying to raise funds to mount a rescue mission for the remaining dinosaurs on the island. She’s financially aided by Benjamin Lockwood (James Cromwell), the former business partner of Jurassic Park creator John Hammond. However, she also needs to rope in the services of Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), which is uncomfortable because…well, it didn’t end so well between the two of them. Isabella Sermon plays Lockwood’s granddaughter, Rafe Spall is the frail Lockwood’s assistant, Ted Levine plays a gruff mercenary, Justice Smith a scaredy-cat tech geek, Toby Jones fronts a dinosaur auction (!), and Geraldine Chaplin plays Sermon’s nanny and family housekeeper.

Since I come from the island of misfit toys and the only “Jurassic” movie I’ve enjoyed so far has been the universally panned “Jurassic Park III”, this review may be somewhat useless to you. Unless, like me, you enjoy reading reviews of an opposing opinion, of course. Anyway, I didn’t have much time for “Jurassic World”, and the best I can say for this 2018 follow-up from director J.A. Bayona (“The Impossible”, “A Monster Calls”) is that I’ve got a bit more time for it. It only works in fits and starts, and some of it is downright awful – looking right at you Toby Jones, and your dinosaur auction of sheer lunacy. It’s also massively deficient of Jeff Goldblum awesomeness, the main reason I bothered watching it in the first place. However, on an action and spectacle (and dinosaur) level, there’s some fun in this one. I still think “Jurassic Park III” is the only one in the franchise to fully understand the Saturday matinee B-movie fun that these things are supposed to be.

Things start in mixed fashion. We get a genuinely terrific opener that is something of a combo of Spielberg and A-grade James Cameron. 7 minutes in and we get Jeff Goldblum’s first of sadly only two brief scenes, returning as rational Dr. Ian Malcolm. Seriously, the guy’s the only sane person in a franchise otherwise full of fucking idiots. See, this is why this franchise isn’t for me. Even if you could bring dinosaurs back, I think it’s such a ridiculously implausible idea that anyone would actually do it that I already have a hard time getting into these films. As scripted by Derek Connolly (“Safety Not Guaranteed”, “Jurassic World”, the solid “Kong: Skull Island”) and Colin Trevorrow (co-writer/director of “Safety Not Guaranteed” and “Jurassic World”), it gets worse, as we jump ahead to a society where people and their kids now co-exist with dinosaurs. Add to that Bryce Dallas Howard’s character (which I hated last time) is now trying to prevent the dinosaurs from going extinct again. This is not only absurd, but Howard appears to be playing a completely different character, even though she isn’t. It’s truly bizarre, and that’s before we even get to the concept of dinosaur auctions. If this scenario had any brains, humankind would be wiped out in quicker fashion than the ice age initially wiped out the dinosaurs. It seems conceptually backwards to me.

Thankfully the film does have two things in its favour: 1) Chris Pratt is a lot funnier and more likeable than he was in the previous film. Possibly even a little Goldblum-esque at times, and 2) The action and spectacle are pretty fun at times. The dinosaurs themselves are a lot more fun in this than the previous film. It obviously has a few other things in its favour – a terrific look and solid music score by Michael Giacchino (“Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”, “Star Trek”, “War of the Planet of the Apes”) especially – but it’s the adventure/dinosaur stuff is definitely better than last time out. Well, except for the bit where a dinosaur outruns an explosion, which may be the worst thing I’ve seen since the ending of John Wayne’s pro-Vietnam War film “The Green Berets”. 35 minutes in and we get a Triceratops. I love Triceratops. They’re my favourite dinosaur. I can’t hate a film that has a Triceratops in it. So I was glad that we were getting plenty of well-known dinosaur species on show, instead of just the souped-up hybrid nonsense we were subjected to in the previous film. We also get some nice dino-on-dino violence, too. For quite a stretch it’s more indicative of a “King Kong” movie than a “Jurassic” movie, and for me that’s a good thing. However, aside from an OK Pratt, a well-cast Ted Levine (best described as Ted Levine playing typical Ted Levine doing John C. McGinley doing R. Lee Ermey) and an amusingly scaredy cat nerd Justice Smith, the human cast aren’t nearly as much fun as the dinosaurs. James Cromwell is solid but completely butchers an English accent, whilst Rafe Spall might as well be twirling a moustache for all the subtlety he’s afforded with his character as written. I may not have been on side with Bryce Dallas Howard’s character, but that doesn’t mean Spall was anything but a sleazy creep here. The wonderful Geraldine Chaplin is wasted in a nothing part well beneath her, whilst young Isabelle Sermon is only here for one reason and it’s a ridiculous one that should never have made it to the printed page let alone the screen. Geek girl Danielle Pineda’s line in snark, meanwhile is way too heavy-handed for my tolerance. She’s like a slightly older “Juno”, and I turned that off after about 10 minutes and haven’t given it a second chance.

Conceptually moronic, but sometimes lively adventure flick with Chris Pratt in decent form. It’s no world-beater, and some of it is dreadful. However, it’s good-looking and a sizeable improvement over the previous film at least.

Rating: C+