Review: Zapped!

Smart high school student Scott Baio gets involved in an explosion at the school science lab, which leaves him with newfound special powers: Telekinesis. Enter opportunistic best friend Willie Aames who sees dollar signs in his bud’s special powers. Felice Schachter plays a geeky girl clearly crushing on Baio, Heather Thomas is the school hottie, Scatman Crothers the alcoholic sports coach.

A pre-“Charles in Charge” team-up of Scott Baio and Willie ‘Bibleman’ Aames, idols for teen girls of the 80s, this 1982 film from Robert J. Rosenthal (whose only other directing effort was a previous comedy called “Malibu Beach”) and his co-writer Bruce Rubin (who wrote “Blood Rage” after this and…that’s about it) has a bit of a cult following. One of the few 80s sex comedies I’d yet to see, it proved to be a massive disappointment. It’s stupid, boring, and aside from some clearly post-production nudity, closer to one of those goofy Disney comedies Kurt Russell made early in his career (“The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes”, “Now You See Him, Now You Don’t”) than “Revenge of the Nerds” or “The Last American Virgin”. That may actually be a plus for some people, but I’m not one of those ‘some people’. It’s not at the bottom of the barrel for the subgenre, but it sinks closer to it than I would’ve liked. Aames and Baio’s obvious screen chemistry (even at this early stage) is one of the few highlights in an otherwise dopey, juvenile, comedic blend of “Carrie” and “The Strongest Man in the World”.

Although the T&A comedy does raise a giggle or two, for the most part the laughs aren’t even close to being there. The “Star Trek” parody in particular is appallingly (and cheaply) done with music that sounds way more like “Star Wars”, and I don’t think it was an intentional joke. most of the performances are pretty terrible (especially from the lesser names in the cast). Baio and particularly Aames at least know what they’re doing in front of a camera at this stage, but while Aames doesn’t have to stretch much, Baio’s not exactly convincing as a science geek (in a film that has long-serving geek Eddie Deezen in an uncredited cameo). Then again, the film casts “Star Trek” actor Merritt Butrick in an uncredited cameo as the token delinquent being held back a year or two. It’s quite as sight watching Butrick attempt to play aggressively heterosexual, it’s the campiest thing ever. Heather Thomas (one of the few 80s/90s sex symbols who got by without disrobing, she’s doubled in this) is pretty, but in a forgettable way, and no actress. Felice Schachter (think Jami Gertz with Shelley Long’s voice) has the benefit of actually being a high-schooler at the time of filming, but isn’t much cop as a thesp, either. She’s got something, but I’m not sure it’s talent. Poor Scatman Crothers’ talent and charisma go completely to waste as the boozy coach. I don’t think Hollywood ever really used him anywhere near enough, or in very many films of worth. Meanwhile, I found it strange that a feature film would list ‘Special Guest Star’ and ‘Special Appearance By’ credits. Even stranger? The people listed were names I’d never heard of. Considering I’ve heard of Eddie Deezen, Corinne Bohrer, Heather Thomas, and Merritt Butrick, that’s saying a heck of a lot.

I wanted to like this film. I’m an 80s kid. Born in 1980, raised on 80s comedies, especially American ones. However, this is seriously lame stuff that doesn’t know if it wants to be a Disney movie or “Porky’s”. Ultimately it ends up a dull, cheap failure with practically no laughs. The two male leads have chemistry, but it’s at the service of nothing much of anything. A male “Carrie” done in slapstick fashion, just watch old re-runs of “Charles in Charge”, “Happy Days”, or “Eight is Enough” instead if you’re a fan of Baio and/or Aames.

Rating: D+