Review: Hammer House of Horror

“The House That Bled to Death”: A family moves into a house where a murder was once committed. After a while, sinister shit starts happening like the cat meeting an untimely end and a literally bloody children’s birthday party. In “The Silent Scream”, recent parolee Brian Cox apparently made friends with a prison counsellor and former WWII concentration camp survivor played by Peter Cushing. He goes to visit the man at his pet shop, and is shown something very special in the back…an array of wild animals kept in cages without bars. Instead, electric charges averts any thought of escape. But hey nevermind that, Cox just wants to have a crack at opening Cushing’s safe. It doesn’t go very well for him. “The Two Faces of Evil” has husband and wife Gary Raymond and Anna Calder-Marshall picking up a creepy hitch-hiker in the rain, only for the latter to go berserk and cause the car to crash. Upon waking, Raymond is injured and the hitch-hiker dead. Or perhaps not. “The Mark of Satan” sees Peter McEnery play a morgue attendant who becomes manically obsessed with the number 9, seemingly seeing it everywhere in daily occurrence. Georgina Hale plays a single mum who lives in McEnery’s building. In “Witching Time”, Jon Finch stars as a film composer living in an isolated cottage who is visited by a 17^th century witch (Pat Quinn), who has no intention of letting him get any work done. “Visitor From the Grave”: Simon MacCorkindale tries to keep neurotic American wife Kathryn Leigh Scott calm when she starts seeing dead people. “Rude Awakening”: Denholm is a sleazy real estate agent married to a snoring Pat Heywood, lusting after secretary Lucy Gutteridge, and waking from a recurring nightmare where he has killed the former. Or has it really happened? In “Charlie Boy”, movie financier Leigh Lawson inherits his late uncle’s odds and ends, including an African fetish doll (that’s a voodoo doll, you perverts). The doll appears to have benefits to Lawson’s life…until it doesn’t. Look out for Marius Goring as an expert in antiques and oddities. “Children of the Full Moon”: A couple’s car breaks down on a country road, and they venture to a farmhouse for help. There they are greeted by the rather dour Diana Dors and her litter of odd children. Christopher Cazenove and Celia Gregory play the couple. Oh, and there appears to be a werewolf out in the woods. Yeah, that too. “The Thirteenth Reunion” sees reporter Julia Foster sent on a story about a new health retreat that turns out to be something far more sinister than she could have imagined. In “The Carpathian Eagle”, Suzanne Danielle plays a ritualistic seducer/serial killer of men, with cop Anthony Valentine possibly about to get a little too close to his investigation. “Guardian of the Abyss” is your standard Satanic cult story with John Carson as the evil cult leader looking for his next sacrifice. “Growing Pains”: A scientist (Gary Bond) and his diplomat wife (Barbara Kellerman) adopt young Matthew Blakstad after the tragic death of their own child. Blakstad turns out to be a very Bad (Adopted) Seed who treats his new mum in particularly horribly. However, there’s more here than first evident.

 

It’s a shame this 1980 TV series didn’t last terribly long because warts-and-all it’s one of the better horror-themed TV shows I’ve come across. Faint praise perhaps, but this Hammer fan had a pretty good time with this series. The first episode on the DVD collection I viewed was “The House That Bled to Death” (Apparently “Witching Time” was the first episode aired on TV originally). A fairly basic but classic set-up, there’s a couple of eerie bits but the two standout bits are a particularly bloody – and hilarious – children’s birthday party, and a brilliant twist in the second half (a final twist is funny, too). Let’s just say if you think Amityville is a lot of nonsense, you’ll love the second half of this episode. Not a great start, but certainly a solid enough one with a fine James Bernard (“The Horror of Dracula”) score too.

 

Next up is “The Silent Scream”. This one has perhaps the best cast with Peter Cushing and pre-“Manhunter” Brian Cox. Cushing in particular is terrific here. It’s a cute idea, even though a kangaroo seems out of place among the other vicious animals. Sure, a kangaroo can kick the crap out of you, but they’re not exactly predators like the other animals. And you’d have to be the world’s dumbest criminal to try to rob a place with barely contained wild animals, several of them man-eating. Still, the performances really sell this with Cox giving it his all and Elaine Donnelly is good too. This one doesn’t have the standout set-pieces of the first episode but is much more consistently entertaining, if silly. I think it would’ve been even better without the wild animals. Good stuff and the ending is genuinely hilarious.

 

“The Two Faces of Evil” has an intriguing and weird plot and lots of unusual visual style brought by director Alan Gibson (“Dracula AD 1972”). However, mediocre performances and a crawling pace in the middle set this one back a little bit. Star Gary Raymond’s best moments are when he gets all nasty with rotten teeth and a creepy long fingernail. He’s quite decent for those few moments, but otherwise forgettable. The opening 10 minutes and final 10 minutes are genuinely terrific, but that midsection is a dud. Still far from a dud.

 

“The Mark of Satan” is classic paranoia/mental disintegration stuff and well-done across the board. Peter McEnery’s intense performance is the highlight, but there’s also good work by Georgina Hale, Peter Birrel, and a scene-stealing Emrys James. Look out for a genuinely funny bit where McEnery sees 666 in Hale’s hair curls. Priceless. If you liked “Rosemary’s Baby”, you’ll probably appreciate this episode.

 

“Witching Time” is definitely indicative of Hammer horror, it’s a very eerie tale with a well-cast Patricia Quinn. Jon Finch gives one of his best turns too, getting all wild-eyed Ollie Reed after a while. If you like your witch-y tales and wanna see Jon Finch sport a dreadful mullet, this one will deliver the goods for you. The cheating wife stuff is a bit soap opera-ish for my taste but overall this is one of the best episodes.

 

“Visitor From the Grave” gives us Hammer veterans Peter Sasdy (“Taste the Blood of Dracula”, “Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady”) and Anthony Hinds (“Captain Clegg”, “Taste the Blood of Dracula”, “Scars of Dracula”) as director and writer respectively. Sadly, this is where we get our first dud entry, which is a surprise given its pedigree. The characters and story are uninteresting, lead actress Kathryn Leigh Scott is overwrought, and the damn thing is far too slow. The ending is cute, if predictable but overall it’s a real disappointment.

 

Things pick up considerably with the next episode “Rude Awakening”, a bizarre and genuinely funny tale that admittedly seems more “Twilight Zone” or “Creepshow” than Hammer horror. Denholm Elliott was an actor capable of droll subtlety when required, but the man admitted himself that he liked to bring a bit extra to a part and that hammy Elliott is the one we get here. He’s terrific, in fact all of the performances are good here, including Lucy Gutteridge in several different guises and Pay Heywood as Elliott’s unimpressed wife. Gets barmier as it goes along and funnier, the plot is interesting too. One of the best episodes.

 

 “Charlie Boy” is one for the voodoo fans. Not being a fan of voodoo stories myself, I thought it was just about OK at best. It’s clichéd stuff, once you see the ugly-as-hell statue, you know exactly what this is and where it’s going. Lead actor Leigh Lawson is pretty average, though he does a decent Cagney impersonation at one point. “Press Gang” actress Angela Bruce is considerably more charismatic (as the token girlfriend), while veteran character actor Marius Goring is poorly wasted. It’s not quite as culturally offensive as you might expect, but unless you’re really into this kind of stuff, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

 

“Children of the Full Moon” has an interesting cast on paper – Christopher Cazenove, Diana Dors, Robert Urquhart etc. Dors and the creepy-arse children and the foggy, dark woods they inhabit are the big selling points here. Silly and creepy in equal measure, this is basically a werewolf story and quite possibly the best episode of the entire series. It’s definitely the closest to being scary.

 

“The Thirteenth Reunion” is another Peter Sasdy entry that features recognisable faces like Julia Foster, Warren Clarke, and a young…er…middle aged James Cosmo. Even in 1980 Cosmo didn’t look young. Cast as a bullying personal trainer he’s hilarious, partly because he doesn’t really look that much thinner than the fatties he’s berating into shape. Foster is immensely likeable in the lead (it’s mostly a showcase for her), and the opening and closing 15 minutes are good, but once again the middle sags a bit. Just OK, this one.

 

“The Carpathian Eagle” is basically a hetero, modernised version of the basic Elizabeth Bathory story, and if you’re wondering what the point of a hetero Elizabeth Bathory is the answer is zero. No point. Utterly pointless. A potential sexy gold mine is squandered here in one of the worst episodes. A total bore, though if you manage to stay awake look out for a jogging, gum-chewing Pierce Brosnan as one of the victims.

 

“Guardian of the Abyss” gives us John Carson and the lovely Barbara Ewing, and neither they nor director Don Sharp (“Rasputin – The Mad Monk”) can stop this one from being the series’ worst. This plays like imitation Hammer, something rather like “Land of the Minotaur”. Weak and silly, with Carson in particular wasted.

 

The final episode I viewed was “Growing Pains” brings things back around to a more than decent standard. Although not a Top 4 episode, this one is interesting and quite different even though it’s like the 5^th episode to feature a scene with a car out of control on a country road. Were they all filmed on the same stretch of road? It seemed like it to me. Although Gary Bond is just OK, Barbara Kellerman is quite good, young Matthew Blakstad (now an author) is suitably ‘off’ as the adopted kid. It’s intriguing and strange (and occasionally violent) and I was never quite sure where it was headed. Ultimately when you do find out what this one’s about, it’s actually rather sad. It’s a rather mature subject for this kind of thing.

 

Overall a very solid, respectable series with really only three dud episodes (“Visitor from the Grave”, “The Carpathian Eagle”, and “Guardian of the Abyss”).

 

Rating: B-