Review: The Jewel of the Nile

Sometime after Jack Colton (Michael Douglas) and author Joan Wilder (Kathleen Turner) set sail at the end of “Romancing the Stone”, we pick up with Joan being enlisted by Middle Eastern sheik Omar (the very Arabic-sounding Spiros Focas) to help him with some PR by writing his biography. Joan agrees, leaving Jack behind. When Jack’s boat is almost immediately blown up, he realises something fishy is going on. And indeed, the benevolent sheik is much more than he appears (After all, this is a guy with an apparent PR problem, right?). It’s about this time that Jack runs into a very disgruntled Ralph (Danny DeVito), still sore about being pinned for his part in the kidnapping of the first film. However, when Jack is approached by Tarak (the very Tarak-sounding Paul David Magid) who warns Jack that Omar is a very bad man and must be brought down. He is apparently not the rightful ruler, and in order to set things straight, Jack must find the Jewel of the Nile, which Omar has stolen. Oh, and while he’s there he might want to rescue Joan, too. Ralph, seeing dollar signs with this ‘Jewel’ convinces Jack to partner up, and away we go.

 

A big comedown from the previous “Romancing the Stone”, the most memorable thing about this 1985 follow-up is the hit single by Billy Ocean ‘When the Going Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going)’. That song still holds up perfectly well today, if you ask me (The music video with Michael Douglas trying his best to look like he’s not embarrassing himself is hilarious, too. He’s trying to be cool, at least). The choice of director is a big downgrade from last time, with B-director Lewis Teague (whose best film is inarguably “Cujo”, where he displayed a genuine knack for tension and terror) replacing the great Robert Zemeckis, but the first sign of a lesser quality film here is that composer Alan Silvestri has been replaced by Jack Nietzsche (“Blue Collar”, “Stand By Me”, “Revenge”). The change brings with it a whole lot of 80s synth. I might love me some Billy Ocean, but the rest of the soundtrack and score here just doesn’t fit the action going on. It’s jarring and cut-rate, giving off a Golan-Globus/Cannon Films vibe. It actually even gave me Vangelis (“Chariots of Fire”, “Blade Runner”) vibes at times, not really appropriate for a Saturday matinee romantic adventure. Jan De Bont (“Soldier of Orange”, “Cujo”, “Die Hard”, “Basic Instinct”), however, gives it a professional sheen with his cinematography, aided by dusty desert scenery.

 

Michael Douglas is back as producer, and the man can’t help himself this time, changing the focus of the film from Kathleen Turner’s character in the first film, to his charming rogue character here. Sadly, that means Turner is far less interesting, with her character mostly functioning as a plot device. Also, and this is crucial, the spark between her and Douglas only comes in fits and starts this time. They seem disinterested in the film and in each other, like a bored married couple or something. So why should the audience care about them either? (Indeed, the stars were apparently reluctant to make the film, even producer Douglas, but the contract specified a sequel) Danny DeVito is still fun, even if his opportunistic Peter Lorre-ish character has been softened somewhat this time out.

 

The awfully Greek-sounding Spiros Focas is better as the main villain than whoever had the part in the previous film, but this just isn’t nearly as fun the second time around. There’s not a lot of wit or charm in the script by Mark Rosenthal and Lawrence Konner (“Superman IV: And You Thought the Third One Was Bad”, “Desperate Hours”, “Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country”, “Mona Lisa Smile”). It’s all very workmanlike.

 

The best thing I can say about this film is that the difference in quality between this film and the first film isn’t as great as the difference in quality between “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” (And no, I’m not saying “Romancing the Stone” was as great a film as “Raiders”).

 

Rating: C