Review: The Expendables 3

Third go-round sees Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and the gang (Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews) on a mission to rescue a former Expendable named Doctor Death (Wesley Snipes, who gets to make fun of his legal issues). After this, CIA man Drummer (Harrison Ford, who shows off his piloting skills at one point) hires Barney to track down another former Expendable, Stonebanks (Mel Gibson), whom Barney assumed was long dead, and who co-founded The Expendables. This, however, is not a rescue mission, because Stonebanks is an evil, amoral arms dealer currently located in Romania. For this mission, Barney eschews the other Expendables in favour of a new team of more fresh-faced recruits, with the advice of head-hunter and retired mercenary Bonaparte (Kelsey Grammer!). Ronda Rousey and Kellan Lutz play the only ones you’ll need to remember. That mission doesn’t go so well, however, and so the old gang gets put together, with some extra help from the very silly but very eager Galgo (Antonio Banderas), an apparent soldier whose specialty is talking non freaking stop. Jet Li drops by for two seconds as Ying Yang, Arnold Schwarzenegger turns up sporadically as Trench, Barney’s friendly rival, and Robert Davi briefly turns up as a crook acquaintance of Stonebanks’.

 

Although it isn’t quite up to the standard of “The Expendables 2”, and I still have no idea why Jet Li bothers turning up, this 2014 film from Aussie director Patrick Hughes (the solid Aussie western-thriller “Red Hill”) is still fun. It gets a major boost from the highly entertaining performances by Wesley Snipes and Antonio Banderas, and although underused, Mel Gibson offers up a much more cut-throat, genuinely mean villain than the campy (but entertaining) one he played in “Machete Kills”. He plays the oldest cliché in the book, but plays it like it’s fresh. He’s actually scary, and it’s a shame he isn’t in the film more. I might even suggest he’s superior to the very fine Van Damme in the second film, and whatever personal issues he may/have had, he’s a helluva strong talent.

 

It’s just a shame they couldn’t get someone like Rutger Hauer, Gary Busey, Steven Seagal, Carl Weathers, Joey Pants, or Bill Paxton in here somewhere, yet Dr. Frasier Crane gets a gig. Kelsey Grammer is a pretty decent name to put on a poster, but he’s not the first guy you’d think to put in something like this. I guess Stallone was looking after his fellow Republican (though Grammer is hardly hardcore in that respect, if you’ve ever heard him interviewed. He’s practically a Libertarian, not that it matters one way or the other to me). Action cast or not, it’s certainly the biggest-name cast of the entire series. I mean, Rocky (Stallone), Braveheart (Gibson), The Terminator (Schwarzenegger), Frasier Crane (Grammer), Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Zorro (Banderas), Simon Phoenix (Snipes) Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren), and one of the Fratelli Brothers (Robert Davi, another Republican) all in the same film? Pretty awesome.

 

I was a bit worried when I saw the names Lionsgate, Millennium Films, and Nu Image attached, as that sounds like a Triumvirate of Kaka to me. But the early chopper vs. heavily armed train action sequence immediately put my mind to ease. The FX work is cheap (the projection work is appalling, despite an apparent $90 million budget!), but it’s a lot of cheesy fun and shot in a refreshingly stable and clear fashion by cinematographer Peter Menzies, Jr (“The 13^th Warrior”, “Abduction”). It looks ‘normal’ and I appreciated that. The absolutely thunderous music score by Brian Tyler (“The Expendables”, the underrated “Frailty”) is the perfect accompaniment to the ricockulous images and action on screen, giving it a real pulse. It’s fun/ridiculous as this sort of thing really ought to be, and Snipes’ first moment on screen is hilarious. It’s great to see him back doing what he does best. He’s clearly having fun, but also using the film as a reminder that he’s still around and still more than useful in the right role. And maybe as a way of apologising for “Blade: Trinity”. It’s easily the most fun he’s been since 1993’s sorely underrated “Demolition Man”, and an infectious performance.

 

Stallone seems aware of the dawning of mortality here, but he seemed that way in “Rocky V” and we all know what happened after that. Still, he gives by far his best performance of the series here. Banderas is immediately hilarious, and he might even have the edge on Snipes for scene-stealer of the film. Very funny performance (It’s like he’s playing “Puss in Boots” as a human…and as an idiot) and much better than his work in “Machete Kills”. UFC star Ronda Rousey isn’t an actress, and the ‘tough chick’ part is a tad outdated, but she’s Ronda Fuckin’ Rousey and I’m not gonna say she shouldn’t be here. She can damn well do whatever the damn hell she pleases…or else she’ll kick my arse. So she’s certainly well-cast, and unlike a lot of ‘tough chicks’ I like that Rousey doesn’t naturally scowl, she has a smug smile on her face almost the whole way through the film here. She isn’t outstanding, but she seems to have more potential than say Gina Carano.

 

I was much less enamoured with Kellan Lutz, who like Liam Hemsworth before him is here to bring in the chicks. I kinda wish they saved Scott Adkins for this film, and cast him in the Lutz role. But let’s all be thankful that the part didn’t go to Taylor Lautner. Still, I swear Lutz’s beard was painted on. The other Expendables are a bit of a mixed bag really. I’ve never liked Randy Couture or Terry Crews, Jet Li as I said needn’t have bothered turning up after the first film (and why does the martial artist only turn up to fire a BFG?), and the previous highlight of the series Dolph Lundgren barely gets anything to do or say in this one. Kelsey Grammer may seem out of place at first, but he doesn’t really get in on the action and suits his role rather well. Arnold Schwarzenegger probably should’ve made like Bruce Willis and given this one a pass for all the scenes he has here. He sure has shrunk a lot, too. That’s old age for you, I guess. Harrison Ford might seem above this sort of thing, but I gotta say that this is one of his least grumpy performances in a while. His somewhat dry, matter-of-fact and humourless delivery works for this government ‘spook’ role. He also tosses off a line about the Bruce Willis character he’s replacing that makes you wonder if Mr. Willis and Mr. Stallone aren’t on the best of terms right now (Apparently Willis demanded more money than they could offer him). The real disappointment for me is Jason Statham. He had a great fight with Scott Adkins in the previous film, but this series seems to see him dwarfed by the other stars. He never really stands out, here he’s especially forgettable.

 

Remarkably bloodless for something so incredibly violent and action-heavy, but I only noticed it after almost two hours. I was too busy having fun. Aside from the shoddy projection work, the only real flaw this film has is that it very clearly has three separate acts. It’s not a big deal, but it is definitely noticeable, especially when it’s the big stars (Snipes, Statham, Schwarzenegger, etc.) taking a backseat to the young guns, who aren’t as interesting.

 

This is closer in quality to the second “Expendables” film than the disappointing first “Expendables”, but just a shade below “2”. Still solid, silly fun. Banderas, Snipes, and Gibson alone are almost worth seeing the film for. The screenplay is by Stallone himself, along with Creighton Rothenberger and Katrin Benedikt (who wrote the underwhelming “Olympus Has Fallen”). I sincerely hope it was Sly who gave himself either the best or worst catch phrase of all-time (I still can’t decide): ‘I AM The Hague!’.

 

Rating: B-