Review: Grudge Match

Sly Stallone and Robert De Niro play two aging boxing rivals whose feud never went to a deciding match. 30 years after their last match, a motor-mouth promoter (Kevin Hart) sees dollar signs in setting up the decider. Originally he just wants them to do motion capture poses for a boxing video game, but when the two combustible forces (who haven’t been in the same room in years) get into a scrap and it goes viral, Hart sets his ambitions higher. While pugnacious De Niro seems to be all for the match, Stallone (who retired before a third match could even happen) is more reticent and happy to let things lay as they currently do at one win apiece. He’s doing just fine making a living as a humble welder. However, Hart won’t give up, and De Niro’s constant goading (he thinks Stallone is chickening out ‘coz he knows he can’t beat him a second time) winds Stallone up enough to finally agree to the match. Kim Basinger plays Stallone’s ex-girlfriend, whose dalliance with De Niro helped put fuel on the already raging fire. Jon Bernthal plays De Niro and Basinger’s grown-up son, who comes into his father’s life after all these years, and against his mother’s advice. LL Cool J plays a top trainer, whilst Alan Arkin is Stallone’s old trainer who similarly comes out of retirement to help his old pal. That is, he comes out of the retirement village.

 

Some people seemed to be disappointed with this 2013 film, and I can’t for the life of me work out why. Were they really expecting the lofty heights of “Raging Bull” crossed with the crowd-pleasing brilliance of “Rocky”? Really? From Peter Segal, whose best films so far are “50 First Dates” and maybe “The Naked Gun 33 ^1/3: The Final Insult”? (“Get Smart” was a lot better than it could’ve been, though) If you were expecting more than light comedy, you need your head checked. I expected a pleasant but unremarkable ‘grumpy old guys’ comedy in the vein of “Stand Up Guys” and that’s pretty much what Segal and screenwriters Tim Kelleher and Rodney Rothman (Late night TV talk show writers by trade) deliver here. It’s not as funny as “Grumpy Old Men” (I love Alan Arkin but he’s no Burgess Meredith, and one has to think if he were still alive, he’d have gotten the part here for obvious reasons), but this “Grumpy Old Pugilists” isn’t the worst thing the two stars have churned out over the years. In fact, it’s not a bad film at all.

 

Stallone and De Niro are both well-cast here, but clearly also too old, though nice try to Segal in using CGI for the flashback fights. It’s not entirely convincing, but it’s not the most embarrassing CGI I’ve seen, either. I thought it was pretty funny to have De Niro’s character become a puppet-aided nightclub comic, a good in-joke for anyone who has seen “Raging Bull”. De Niro seems more comfortable here than Stallone, who seems a bit hesitant and bored. I guess De Niro’s had more experience with comedies of late, which might help give him the edge, while Stallone, doesn’t really seem to realise he’s in a comedy at all (Insert your own “Rhinestone” or “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” joke here, you mean pricks). Meanwhile, Alan Arkin is hilarious even before we actually see him on screen, which is quite a feat. He’s been better, of course, but this film gives him more to do than “Stand Up Guys” did, and he has some fun moments. Kevin Hart isn’t normally a favourite of mine (Chris Tucker 2.0), but he’s put to good use here as a guy who talks so fast his brain doesn’t have time to stop the words from coming out of his mouth. He also has an amusingly awful car that has to be seen to be believed. He actually steals this from the heavyweights, though it’s almost worth seeing the film just to hear De Niro butcher ‘The Star Spangled Banner’. Really butchering it. Like worse than Roseanne butchering it. Less effective is Kim Basinger who still isn’t much of an actress (Oscar or not), and looks like she’s being forced to be here by gunpoint. I think Ellen Barkin or Lorraine Bracco would’ve been more suitable, though Jon Bernthal is quite credible as De Niro’s son. He actually plays this thing like it’s a real movie, which is quite commendable.

 

This obviously isn’t on the level of “Grumpy Old Men”, it’s merely one of the adequate imitators, but that’s pretty much what I expected. I’d probably give the edge to “Stand Up Guys” because the two stars here actually get upstaged by Kevin Hart, which I don’t think was the idea. It’s also obvious that the film should’ve been made in the mid-90s at the latest. However, I did love the cute mid-credits bit where Hart tries to get Mike Tyson and one of his infamous foes to agree to another fight. Yep, that guy. 

 

Rating: C+