Review: A Million Ways to Die in the West

Seth MacFarlane is Albert, a sheep farmer who laments the harsh and violent times living in the Wild West. When he backs out of a duel, his girlfriend (Amanda Seyfried) leaves him and shacks up with moustachioed toolbucket named Foy (Neil Patrick Harris). But then a beautiful female gunslinger (Charlize Theron) walks into town and is soon teaching Albert how to fire a gun, and basically man the hell up. The two also bond, though things are somewhat stalled when Theron’s intimidating outlaw husband (Liam Neeson) turns up looking for her and the man she has supposedly shacked up with (i.e. Albert). Did I mention that Neeson is the most feared gunman around? Yeah, there’s that, too. Giovanni Ribisi plays Albert’s similarly meek, naïve best friend, whose girlfriend (Sarah Silverman) won’t sleep with him until they are married. Since she’s also the town whore, she will sleep with everyone else, though. Alex Borstein plays a saloon owner, Matt Clark turns up as an old prospector who runs afoul of Neeson, Wes Studi plays a Native American, a fat Dennis Haskins plays a literal snake oil salesman, and several other familiar faces have cameos.

 

Aside from the “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones” references, I can’t say I have much tolerance for TV’s “Family Guy”, and Seth MacFarlane’s big-screen comedy “Ted” really only delivered the funnies with “Flash Gordon” references, for the most part. Although I don’t think he was as bad an Oscars host as many claim (‘We Saw Your Boobs’ was an all-time Oscars highlight in my perverted opinion), he was similarly spotty. Now comes this 2014 comedy/western from director/star/co-writer MacFarlane and it’s just as uneven as everything else the guy has done. I loved the idea of a milquetoast-y kinda guy who points out all of the horrible, violent things that go on in the wild west, but MacFarlane, as is his wont most of the time, mostly uses the cinematic medium here to provide lots of four-letter words, sexual references, and anachronistic humour, generally of the lowest form. Mel Brooks got away with this kind of thing in 1974 in “Blazing Saddles”, but MacFarlane ain’t no Mel Brooks, and “Blazing Saddles” farts all over this lesser effort. It’s not a bad film and there’s some fun to be had, but just as was the case in “Ted”, it never quite gets across the line because it’s too spotty.

 

Although he’s believable as a self-preservationist, the fact that snarky MacFarlane stands back at a distance from the material also results in the audience never being drawn into it all that much. And since MacFarlane is trying to tell a ‘townie’ western story as well as attempting to make us laugh, we do need to be drawn into the plot. Also not helping is that Charlize Theron and comedy do not belong in any sentence aside from this one. Seriously, she’s so forced and phony in this. Amanda Seyfried is a bit better, but underused and playing a one-dimensional role. Neil Patrick Harris is Neil Patrick Harris, but not quite as funny as that usually is, though it’s amusing that he’s clearly just as useless as MacFarlane, except that he has a manly moustache. The best performances come from a funny Sarah Silverman (her very casting is funny in itself) as a woman who is only a virgin with her intended husband, who is well-played by Giovanni Ribisi (playing the most endearing character in the film), and a scene-stealing Liam Neeson as the villain. Neeson isn’t actually funny, but he’s clearly relishing the opportunity to play the heavy, albeit in something light. He should do it more often, because the brooding anti-hero thing can only take him so far, and he’s genuinely good at being bad and intimidating. In smaller turns it’s great to find that veteran character actor Matt Clark is still alive (and playing the ‘Gabby’ Hayes part!), Dennis ‘Mr. Belding’ Haskins has been on a strict Krispy Kreme diet since “Saved by the Bell” ended, and there’s some very funny cameos throughout. The Ryan Reynolds walk-on seemed useless to me, but Gilbert Gottfried is absolutely brilliant as Abe Lincoln, and there’s a wholly unexpected and brilliant cameo by a beloved film character from the 80s and 90s who will remain nameless here, but who was last seen in the wild west. It’s a shame that the best MacFarlane comes up with for the talented Wes Studi is a scene that is merely an excuse to give us a peyote freak-out. Studi is so much better than he is afforded here. And I’m still yet to discern what supposed talent Alex Borstein has, besides mugging mercilessly and annoying the piss out of me (Ever see her in “Catwoman”? I don’t recommend it, and not just because of her, the film sucks. But she is a total camera hog in it). As for MacFarlane himself, he may well be multi-talented, but acting isn’t one of his talents. He’s a comedian and writer (apparently a singer too), and would’ve been well advised to find someone else for the part. He’s not horrible, just not convincing, and far too anachronistic, smug, and snarky.

 

The best thing about the entire film is the music score by Joel McNeely, which is in the grand tradition of Elmer Bernstein (“The Magnificent Seven”), and gives the film a touch of class it probably doesn’t deserve. The film also has an amusing narration, and some of the gags are good. There’s a funny, gory bit involving a large block of ice, and the bit where MacFarlane and Ribisi attempt to evade injury in a bar fight by pretending to fight one another is clever, even if parodying the western bar fight has become a cliché in and of itself for a long while now. There’s also a cute running gag about how no one smiles in photos from the period (Seriously why is that? I don’t find smiling natural, but that’s because I’m an ornery old crank, I’m the exception). We also get one genuinely funny bit of scatology where Harris develops IBS and shits into a hat and then more is about to come out and he struggles to get another guy’s hat. The wonderfully squishy sound FX help. Meanwhile, Ribisi’s ‘first time’ with Silverman is very funny, too. Just his reaction to a certain female body part is funny on its own. Hell, as much as the entire segment with Wes Studi is pretty much a bust, the reference to Mila Kunis is choice for anyone who spots it. However, some of the gags are annoyingly modern without being funny enough to justify it- such as claiming a bustle gives a woman a giant fat arse and ‘black people would be all over you right now’. Ugh, you’re soooo hip Mr. MacFarlane. Once again, look to “Blazing Saddles” as to how to do this kind of thing right.

 

A hit and miss western comedy with a little too much of a modern, gross-out comedy sensibility, this one’s at least 20 minutes too long and features poor lead performances. However, the supporting cast is excellent and the gags that do fire, are often very funny. In fact, it might be ever-so slightly more consistent than “Ted”. It needed more Liam Neeson and Gilbert Gottfried, however. Much more. The screenplay is by MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, and Wellesley Wild (his cronies from “Family Guy” and “Ted”). Best recommended to MacFarlane fans, it certainly won’t make you forget “Blazing Saddles”, but you could do worse.

 

Rating: C+